Early To Bed
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school.
Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I *should* go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old.
And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"
~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**
Kids Pray
I loved the letters you printed about misinterpreting the Lord's
Prayer. When my twin daughters were young, I taught them to say this
prayer before going to bed. As I listened outside their door, I could
hear them say, "Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our
mattresses." My husband and I always had a good laugh over this. That
was over 50 years ago, and the memory still remains in my heart.
Groton, Mass.
My mother spent her early childhood saying, "Hail Mary,full of grapes."
Missoula, Mont.
My son, who is in nursery school, said, "Our Father,who art in
Heaven, how didja know my name?"
Uniontown, Ohio.
I remember thinking this prayer was "Give us this day our jelly bread."
Covina, Calif.
I recall reading something years ago about the Pledge of Allegiance.
Some child thought it began, "I led the pigeons to the flag."
Cleveland, Ohio.
When I was little, I often wondered who Richard Stands
was. You know: "I pledge allegiance to the flag . . . And to the
republic for Richard Stands."
Tampa, Fla.
When my husband was 6 years old, he thought a certain
Prayer was "He suffered under a bunch of violets." The real
words were "under Pontius Pilate," but at that age, he didn't
know better. To this day, we still snicker in church whenever
that prayer is read.
Oak Harbor, Wash.
When my older brother was very young, he always
walked up to the church altar with my mother when she took communion.
On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and asked, "What does the priest
say when he gives you the bread?" Mom whispered something in his ear.
Imagine his shock many years later when he learned that the priest
doesn't say, "Be quiet until you get to your seat."
Grand Junction, Colo.
When I was younger, I believed the line was
"Lead a snot into temptation."
I thought I was praying for my little sister to get into trouble.
~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**
IDIOTS
IDIOTS AT WORK:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the
clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the
credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the
transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why,
she explained that it was necessary to compare the
signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the
credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature
to the one I had just signed on the receipt.
As luck would have it, they matched.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call
the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason:
too many deer were being hit by cars and he didn't want
them to cross there anymore.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
IDIOT SIGHTING #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage
without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without
my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and
added, "That's why we ask."
IDIOT SIGHTING #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the
street. I was crossing with a coworker of mine when she asked
if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals
blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded,
"What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
IDIOT SIGHTING #3:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was
leaving the company due to "down sizing,"our manager
commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more
often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each
other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
IDIOT SIGHTING #4:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into
itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system
would not turn on.
IDIOT SIGHTING #5:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to
pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic
working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I
watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey,"
I announced to the technician,"It's open!"
To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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