Quote from Forum Archives on August 2, 2006, 11:09 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Eggplants"

 

  

 

A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25¢ each, three
for a dollar."

 

All day long, customers came in exclaiming, "Don't be ridicul-
ous! I should get four for a dollar!"

 

Meekly the grocer gave-in and packaged four eggplants. The
tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally
asked the grocer,
"Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?"

 

"What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that
sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant."

 

 

"A New Pastor"

 

 

A new Pastor in a small town spent the first four days making
personal visits to each of the members, inviting them to come to his
first services.

 

The following Sabbath the church was all but empty.

 

Accordingly, the Pastor placed a notice in the local newspapers,
stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's
duty to give it a decent Christian burial.
The funeral would be held the following Sabbath afternoon,
the notice said.

 

Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the "funeral." In front
of the pulpit, they saw a closed coffin, smothered in flowers. After
the Pastor delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his
congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their
dead church.

 

Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a "dead
church," all the people eagerly lined up to look in the coffin.

 

Each "mourner" peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a
guilty, sheepish look. In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was
a large mirror!!

 

 

"Children Explain God"

 

 

One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of things here on earth.

 

He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way, He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk, He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.

 

God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV on account of this.

 

God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere, which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your parent's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.

 

Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Sarnia. At least there aren't any who come to our church.

 

Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they killed Him.

 

But He was good and kind like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK.

 

His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore, He could stay in heaven. So He did.

 

You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to hear you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the times.

 

It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim very good and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.

 

Since He hears everything, not only prayers, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off.

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

Necessary Legal Information

 

We do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.

 

Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
       
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
       
Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org

 

Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute.  Please take a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh! -- To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>