Quote from Forum Archives on January 15, 2007, 10:09 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Eyeglasses"

 

 

A woman walks in a store to return a pair of eyeglasses that she had
purchased for her husband a week before.

 

"What seems to be the problem, madam?"

 

"I'm returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He's still not
seeing things my way."

 

 

"Computer Husband"

 

 

I'm sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so you'll be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what's been going on since your computer entered our lives two years ago.

 

The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good, but yours was excellent! The chair and back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud of him. Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jen despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.

 

I am doing well. I went blond about a year ago and was delighted to discover that it really was more fun.

 

I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you don't mind being vacuumed and that the feather duster makes you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring. I'm not sure if you noticed it. I asked the painters to cut air holes in the drop cloths so you wouldn't be disturbed.

 

Well, dear, I must be going. The family is leaving on a ski trip and there is much packing to do. I've hired a housekeeper to take care of things while we are away. She'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to the computer room just the way you like it. I hope you and the computer have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jen and I think of you often. Try to remember us while your disks are booting.

 

Love, Mary

 

"Scratch"

 

 

My mother never let me help much in the kitchen. As a result, my cooking
ability was practically non-existent when I got married. But, I did
remember mother mentioning to her friends that she did make cakes, pies
and other things from scratch. So my first priority after the
honeymoon, was to locate some scratch.

 

With mother's delicious cakes in mind, my first trip to the supermarket
was to buy some scratch. I found the aisle that read -- Baking Items. I
spent a good 15 minutes looking at everything from vegetable oil,sugar,
flour and chocolate without seeing a sign of scratch. I was sure it
wouldn't be with the pickles or the meat. I asked the clerk if they
carried scratch. He looked at me funny and finally said, "You'll have to
go to the store on the corner."

 

When I got there, it turned out to be a feed store. I thought it rather
strange, but I decided cakes were food. "Do you have scratch?" I asked
the clerk.

 

He asked me how much I wanted. I suggested a pound or two. His reply
was, "How many chickens do you have? It only comes in 20 pound bags." I
really didn't understand why he mentioned chickens, but I had heard
mother say she made chicken casserole from scratch. So, I bought 20
pounds and hurried home.

 

My next problem was to find a recipe calling for scratch. I went through
every single page of my lovely "Better Homes and Gardens" Cookbook -- a
wedding gift. I looked and looked for a recipe using scratch. There I
was with 20 pounds and no recipe.

 

When I opened the scratch, I had doubts that a beautiful, fluffy cake
would ever result from such a hard looking ingredient. I hoped with the
addition of liquids and heat the result would be successful. I had no
need to mention my problem to my new husband. He had suggested very
early in our marriage that he liked to cook and would gladly take over
anytime. One day he made a pie and when I told him how good it was, he
said that he made it from scratch. That assured me that it could be
done.

 

Being a new bride is scary and when I found out he made pies, cakes, and
even lemon pudding from scratch . . . . well, if he made all those
things from scratch, I was sure he had bought a 20 pound bag of scratch
also. But, I couldn't find where he stored it, and I checked my supply.
It was still full! At this point I was ready to give up because all the
people knew about scratch except me. I decided to try a different
approach. One day when my husband was not doing anything, I said,
"Honey, I wish you'd bake a cake." He got out the flour, sugar, eggs,
milk and shortening. But, not a sign of scratch. I watched him blend it
together, pour it into a pan and slide it into the oven to bake. An hour
later, as we were eating the cake, I looked at him and smiled and said,
"Honey, why don't we raise a few chickens?"

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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