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First Baseball Game Monday

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#1 · June 12, 2006, 10:18 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"First Baseball Game"
 
  
 
Jose is 17 years old and lives in Mexico. All his life, he wanted to see an American baseball game, so he diligently saved his money until he had saved enough for the trip to the United States. As luck would have it, he arrived just in time for the seventh game of the World Series.
Unfortunately, he had not counted on the high ticket prices and could not afford one. He tried to get in, but since he didn't have a ticket, the security guard wouldn't let him.
Jokingly, the guard tells poor Jose to climb the flagpole if he wants to see the game. So, that's what Jose did. Well, it was time to start the game, and everyone stood up to sing the National Anthem.
Jose watched the game in amazement and joy.
When it was over, he slid down the flagpole and hitchhiked his way back over the border to Mexico.
When he finally got back home, all his friends asked him, "So, Jose, how was eet, the baseball game?"
And Jose replied, "It was wonderful, amigos. The people in America are so kind! The first thing they did, even before they started the game, was ask me, "Jose, can you see?"
"Little Jimmy"
 
 
Jimmy's English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded
the very best of his pupils. So it was only to be expected
that he would get furious when Little Jimmy handed in a
poor paper.
 
"This is the worst essay it has ever been my misfortune to
read," ranted the teacher. "It has too many mistakes.
I can't understand how one person would have made all
these mistakes."
 
"One person didn't," replied Little Jimmy defensively.
"My father helped me."
 
"Qantas Airlines"
 
   
 
It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to
fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
 
After every flight Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet",
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix
the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
 
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here  are
some of the actual complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked P)
and the solutions recorded (marked S) by maintenance engineers.
 
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
 
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
 
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
 
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
 
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on the ground.
 
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
 
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
 
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
 
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
 
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
 
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
 
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. sounds like a midget
pounding on something with hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
 
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
 
 
 
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