For Todays Seniors
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.
I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
And he answered, "Because of the Seniors Discount"
I went to McDonald's for a burger and fries;
and there, once again, got quite a surprise.
The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.
He said, "For you, Seniors, the coffee is free." Understand---I'm not
old---I'm merely mature; But some things are changing, temporarily, I'm sure.
The newspaper print gets smaller each day,
And people speak softer---can't hear what they say.
My teeth are my own (I have the receipt.),
and my glasses identify people I meet.
Oh, I've slowed down a bit...not a lot, I am sure.
You see, I'm not old...I'm only mature.
The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.
You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.
Washing my hair has turned it all white,
But don't call it gray...saying "blonde" is just right.
My car is all paid for...not a nickel is owed.
Yet a kid yells, "Old duffer...get off of the road!"
My car has no scratches...not even a dent.
Still I get all that guff from a punk who's "not Heaven bent."
My friends all get older...much faster than me.
They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.
I've got "character lines," not wrinkles...for sure,
But don't call me old...just call me mature.
The steps in the houses they're building today
Are so high that they take...your breath all away;
And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.
That should explain why my walking is slow.
But I'm keeping up on what's hip and what's new,
And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.
I'm still in the running...in this I'm secure,
"I'm not really old...I'm only mature.
~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~
*** Senior Citizens ***
Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done, and do not blame others. BUT, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the Senior Citizen who took:
The melody out of music;
The pride out of appearance;
The romance out of love;
The commitment out of marriage;
The responsibility out of the family;
The learning out of education;
The service out of Patriotism;
The religion out of school;
The Golden Rule from rulers;
The civility out of behavior;
The refinement out of language;
The dedication out of employment;
The prudence out of spending, or
The ambition out of achievement.
And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!! Does anyone under the age of 50 know the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner? And, unless many of our younger generation learn to count, in the absence of computers and calculators, they will be back to counting on fingers and toes. Remember.... Inside every older person is a young person wondering what happened!
~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~
*** YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN ***
. . . the life of the party...even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over...
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as cute as mine.
I'm so cared for -- long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.
I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Toyota commercials, Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things I can't remember.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering simple words like.......
I'm realizing that aging is not for wimps.
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when did they let kids become policemen?
I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
I'm a walking storeroom of facts.....I've just lost the key to the storeroom door.
Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!
Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I would send it to many more!
Now - Have I already sent this to you?
~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~
*** Some Thoughts About Getting Older ***
~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
~ There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.
~ You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
~ Middle age is when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.
~ Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that the worst time for a guy to get those odds?
~ You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.
~ Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
~ By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
~ Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
~ A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
~ The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
~ You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.
~ You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
~ The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
~ Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
~ You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
~ Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.
~ When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.
~ You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
Necessary Legal Information
I do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from me it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than me, has forwarded it to you.
Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org