Fw: Kids' Misinterpretations
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
(a)
When my twin daughters were young, I taught them
to say this prayer before going to bed.
As I listened outside their door, I could
hear them say, "Give us this steak and daily bread,
and forgive us our mattresses."
(b)
My mother spent her early childhood saying,
"Hail Mary, full of grapes."
(c)
My son, who is in nursery school, said,
"Our Father,who art in Heaven, how didja
know my name?"
(d)
I remember thinking this prayer was
"Give us this day our jelly bread."
(e)
I recall reading something years ago about
the Pledge Of Allegiance. Some child thought
it began, "I led the pigeons to the flag."
(f)
When I was little, I often wondered who
Richard Stands was. You know:
"I pledge allegiance to the flag . . .
And to the republic for Richard Stands.
(g)
When I was younger, I believed the line
was "Lead a snot into temptation."
I thought I was praying for my little sister
to get into trouble.
**************
Biblical Bumper Stickers
Adam:
"You are what you eat."
------------
Eve:
"At least he doesn't
compare me to his mother."
------------
Abraham:
"I'm goin' not knowin'. "
-------------
Noah:
"Honk if you
believe in treading water."
----------
Moses:
"From a basket case
to the promised land."
-----------
Elijah:
"When Jezebel ain't happy,
ain't nobody happy."
-----------
Balaam:
"My second donkey talks!"
-----------
At the Sinai desert:
"Winding road next 40 years"
------------
At the Red Sea:
"Caution! Subject to sudden flooding"
**************
Like Fine Wine
Long ago cursing and beating a stick into
the ground was called witchcraft. Today,
it's called golf.
Eventually you will reach a point when you
stop lying about your age and start bragging
about it..
The older we get, the fewer things seem
worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know why I look this
way. I've traveled a long way and some of the
roads weren't paved.
How old would you be if you didn't know how
old you are?
When you are dissatisfied and would like to
go back to youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything
either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about
aging is that it is such a nice change from
being young.
One must wait until evening to see how splendid
the day has been.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is
comfortable.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray
and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't
have anything to laugh at when you are old.
First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper, then ....
Oh my goodness you forgot to pull your zipper
down!
If you jog in a jogging suit, lounge in lounging
pajamas, and smoke in a smoking jacket, why
would anyone want to wear a windbreaker??
And best of all....I don't know how I got over
the hill without getting to the top.
Have A Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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