Glazier

#1 · October 17, 2003, 9:43 am

Quote from Forum Archives on October 17, 2003, 9:43 am
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

*** Glazier ***

My son is the manager of a glass and window company
and advertised in the paper for experienced glaziers.
Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased
when a man who called about the job said he had over
20 years of experience.
"Where have you worked as a glazier?" my son asked.
The man replied, "Dunkin' Donuts."

*** House Cleaning ***

Last week I threw out Worrying,
It was getting old and in the way.
It kept me from being me;
I couldn't do things my way.

I threw out those Inhibitions;
They were just crowding me out.
Made room for my New Growth,
Got rid of my old dreams and doubts.
I threw out a book on My Past
(Didn't have time to read it anyway).
Replaced it with New Goals,
Started reading it today.

I threw out childhood toys
Remember how I treasured them so?
Got me a New Philosophy too,
Threw out the one from long ago.

Bought in some new books too,
Called I Can, I Will, and I Must.
Threw out I might, I think and I ought.
Wow!, You should've seen the dust.

I picked up this special thing
And placed it at the front door.
I Found It - its called Peace
Nothing gets me down anymore.

Yes, I've got my house looking nice.
Looks good around the place
For things like Worry and Trouble
There just isn't any place.

Its good to do a little house cleaning,
Get rid of the old things on the shelf.
It sure makes things brighter.
Thank You God for cleaning up my-self.

*** Ways To Keep Things Interesting In Church ***

Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests.

See if a yawn really is contagious.

Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If
not, raise your hand and tell the preacher.

Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the
stairs.

Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with 'A'
then 'B and so on through the alphabet.

Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the
pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with
10 points for every marble that made it to the front.

Using church bulletins or visitor cards for raw materials,
design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.

Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the
way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed.

Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the rest
room.

Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure
exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your
favorite hymn.

Chew gum; if the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes,
start blowing bubbles.

Try to indicate to the minister that his fly is undone.

By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves,
turn your shirt around backwards.

Line up your little beany baby stuffed animals, (the ones
your mother gave you to keep you quiet in church). During
the prayer begin pushing them two at a time up to the front
of the church. If it is a long prayer, you can get at least
eight to the front before the prayer is over.

While people are locating the announced congregational song,
step out in the aisle and begin waving your arms as if
directing the hymn.

Sit close to the front, and during the prayer, turn around
backwards, point, and count softly how many people do not
have their heads bowed and eyes closed.

See how many hard candies you can stuff in your cheeks
before your mother catches you.

Begin coughing and get louder and louder until you get to
excuse yourself and leave the room.

Choose a different song than was announced and begin singing
it as loud as you can.

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

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Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

*** Glazier ***

My son is the manager of a glass and window company
and advertised in the paper for experienced glaziers.
Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased
when a man who called about the job said he had over
20 years of experience.
"Where have you worked as a glazier?" my son asked.
The man replied, "Dunkin' Donuts."

*** House Cleaning ***

Last week I threw out Worrying,
It was getting old and in the way.
It kept me from being me;
I couldn't do things my way.

I threw out those Inhibitions;
They were just crowding me out.
Made room for my New Growth,
Got rid of my old dreams and doubts.
I threw out a book on My Past
(Didn't have time to read it anyway).
Replaced it with New Goals,
Started reading it today.

I threw out childhood toys
Remember how I treasured them so?
Got me a New Philosophy too,
Threw out the one from long ago.

Bought in some new books too,
Called I Can, I Will, and I Must.
Threw out I might, I think and I ought.
Wow!, You should've seen the dust.

I picked up this special thing
And placed it at the front door.
I Found It - its called Peace
Nothing gets me down anymore.

Yes, I've got my house looking nice.
Looks good around the place
For things like Worry and Trouble
There just isn't any place.

Its good to do a little house cleaning,
Get rid of the old things on the shelf.
It sure makes things brighter.
Thank You God for cleaning up my-self.

*** Ways To Keep Things Interesting In Church ***

Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests.

See if a yawn really is contagious.

Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If
not, raise your hand and tell the preacher.

Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the
stairs.

Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with 'A'
then 'B and so on through the alphabet.

Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the
pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with
10 points for every marble that made it to the front.

Using church bulletins or visitor cards for raw materials,
design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.

Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the
way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed.

Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the rest
room.

Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure
exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your
favorite hymn.

Chew gum; if the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes,
start blowing bubbles.

Try to indicate to the minister that his fly is undone.

By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves,
turn your shirt around backwards.

Line up your little beany baby stuffed animals, (the ones
your mother gave you to keep you quiet in church). During
the prayer begin pushing them two at a time up to the front
of the church. If it is a long prayer, you can get at least
eight to the front before the prayer is over.

While people are locating the announced congregational song,
step out in the aisle and begin waving your arms as if
directing the hymn.

Sit close to the front, and during the prayer, turn around
backwards, point, and count softly how many people do not
have their heads bowed and eyes closed.

See how many hard candies you can stuff in your cheeks
before your mother catches you.

Begin coughing and get louder and louder until you get to
excuse yourself and leave the room.

Choose a different song than was announced and begin singing
it as loud as you can.

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

Necessary Legal Information

I do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from me it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than me, has forwarded it to you.

Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org