God's Car
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
An avid church goer and NASCAR fan died and
went to heaven.
Upon entering, this person noticed pro driver
Alan Kulwicki's race car,
and asked St. Peter about it.
St. Peter said Alan was in heaven and
his car was on display.
Walking a little further, the man sees
Davey Allison's car.
Once again he inquired to St. Peter about it.
"Davey Allison is also in
heaven. In fact, God's a BIG NASCAR fan,
so when drivers die, their
race cars get put on display."
Walking further, the individual
came upon Jeff Gordon's #24
Chevrolet - the phenomena kid who is breaking
every record on the
racing circuit.
At this sight, the new
heaven dweller panicked!
"Oh, No! St. Peter - Jeff Gordon is about to win
the Championship this year,
and you mean to tell me he has just died?!?
"No, no," St. Peter chuckled,
"That's God's car.
He lets Jeff use it on weekends."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~ 50 Ways to Tell You're a NASCAR Fan ~~~
If you're sitting behind someone at a red light, and when it changes, you yell, "GREEN! GREEN! GREEN! GO! GO! GO!
If you were Rusty Wallace you would have just gone when the light turned yellow!
You know you're a Jeff Gordon fan if you go on green and cop pulls you over for going too soon on the green. :):):)
Time yourself on your wrist watch when you pull into the self serve gas n go.
On an highway or freeway or whatever entrance ramp you drive it like the esses at Sears Point.
If you say "But officer, I wasn't tailgating, I was drafting"
When you have an accident, the first thing you try to do is pull off the steering wheel.
The second thing you do is blame Robby Gordon.
You name your first born Dale, Kyle, Jeff, Mark, Richard, Ward, Rusty, Ernie, Sterling, etc.
You paint a large 24 on the side of your car
Watch tapes of old races on rain delay days
Plan family vacations around a race date
You go through Nascar withdrawls when there is no race on the weekend
Have a poster of Benny Parsons above your bed
When you pass someone on the highway you refer to it as taking them on the inside.
Counting the cars to work as positions gained and when they pass you positions lost.
You associate numbers with drivers names when do your banking.
If you sign up for flu shots (at work) on Friday so you can fake sick in order to get home in time to see qualifying.
How about riding behind the same two dumdums riding side by side for SOOOOoooo long, that you decide to make it three wide down the front stretch, and pass them in the emergency lane (after looking, of course)
When your buddy is passing someone on the interstate, you're in the passenger seat yelling,"CAR HIGH !!!.....CLEAR!!
You teach your child to count like this... 1, Gordon, Wallace, Earnhardt, Hamilton, Terry Labonte, Martin, etc. and then it confuses him because of the driver changes every year
Only the driver's side of your windshield gets cleaned.
You can get 12 cans of pop. 4 quarts of Gatorade, and 8 sandwiches into a 14" cooler and NOT squash anything.
You think nothing of getting up at 4am, driving for 5 hours, sitting in a traffic backup for 3 hours, baking in the sun, spending 5 hours to get out of the parking lot, driving 5 hours home, getting up the next morning at 5 am, going to work on 3 hours sleep, and telling everybody what a GREAT time you had.
You line your diecasts up in the same order as the starting grid each week.
You rearrange your diecasts to match the grid during cautions
You have a mini winners circle for your diecasts
You get caught stealing the lifesize cut out of your favorite driver from Foodlion.
When you drive up close behind somebody in hopes you can "get him loose" in order to be able to pass him.
Your mechanic has to remind you to stop referring to him as "your crew chief"
If every time you hop out at the gas station, you yell to your spouse to time you.
If your spouse has to keep telling you it's "your damn driveway, not victory lane".
If your find yourself having a tough time explaining to the patrol officer why you fell asleep and hit the wall during heavy traffic. (Sorry Dale, it was too good to pass up)
You blow a flat on the highway and get mad because it took you more than 19 seconds to change it.
The big story at your parties is how you put Dale Earnhardt into the wall at Talladega in your Nascar Racing 2 game.
You hit the car in front of you, and tell the police officer "Rubbin' is racin'!"
You think the first car at a stoplight is "on the pole."
You have to eat macaroni and cheese for a month because you bought too much memorabilia at the track.
At a stop light with two lanes each direction, you pull into the left lane because you 'qualified faster' than the guys on the right.
You have planned out a route to work where you only have to turn left.
When the spouse asks how your day was you start by saying, "Well, I had a real good car today..."
You consider slower cars in the left lane as "lapped traffic".
When traffic slows or stacks up, you wave your right hand from side to side, signaling to your buddy that there is trouble ahead.
Before traffic begins to resume regular speed again, you find yourself weaving side to side warming up the tires to optimum tempature.
When a car comes flying up from behind, you speed up trying to stay "on the lead lap". If he passes you, you try to pass him back to "get your lap back".
Let your buddy pass you at least once so he can get 5 bonus points.
Make sure you pass him back in time for the halfway money.
When renting a car, you ask for a black Monte Carlo.
You know you're a Dale Earnhardt Fan if you have an accident and you tell the cop it was someone elses fault.
If you can't balance your checkbook, but CAN explain the point system
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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