Quote from Forum Archives on December 14, 2006, 7:47 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Guide Dogs' Night Before Christmas"

 

  

 

'Twas the night before Christmas  and the kennels were still,
with most dogs now asleep having eaten their  fill.

 

The Labradors sprawled out, quite snug in their beds,
while  visions of ANYTHING edible danced in their heads.

 

The Goldens and  Shepherds curled up on the floor,
some twitched in their sleep and some even  did snore.

 

The dog food was stacked in the feed room with care,
in  hopes that a trainer soon would be there.

 

On the window ledge, one of the  kennel cats lay,
surveying the lawn at the end of this day.

 

Something  was different, that little cat knew.
Tonight something would happen, it had  to be true.

 

For that day as the workers had left to go home,
They'd  wished Merry Christmas! before starting to roam.

 

The dogs had noticed it  to during this past week's walks,
the trainers seemed just that much happier  and eager to talk.

 

In the mall where they worked through the maze of  people and stores,
there were decoration and music and distractions  galore!

 

Most dogs pranced along without worry or fear, but some
balked at the man on the sleigh and those fake looking deer.

 

The cat  was almost asleep too when he first heard the sound,
a whoosh through the air  and a jingle around.

 

It reminded him of a dog's collar when the animal  shook,
but this sound kept on growing. He'd better go look.

 

From the  ceiling there came a faint sort of thunk,
as the kennel cat climbed to the  highest pile of junk.

 

Once before people had worked on the roof,
and  come down through the trap door to a chorus of "Woooof!"

 

But the dogs  still were quiet, all sleeping so sound,
as this man dressed in red made his  way right on down.

 

He patted the cat as he climbed past his spot,
then  made his way right to the trainers' coffee pot.

 

A shepherd sat up, not  fully awake,
then a Golden followed her with a mighty loud shake.

 

That  did it! All the dogs sprang to life with loud noise.
In spite of the din, the  old man kept his poise.

 

He filled the pot full and it started to  brew,
then he pulled up a chair and took in the view.

 

Dogs all around  him, so carefully bred,
he knew well their jobs, the blind people they  led.

 

Some had stopped barking and looked at him now,
while others  delighted in their own deafening howl.

 

Laying a finger in front of his  lips,
the jolly old man silenced the excitable yips.

 

"You all may not  know me, but I'm Santa Claus,"
the old man smiled and took a short  pause,

 

While he filled up his mug with hot liquid and cream,
"I've  always wanted to stop here. It's been one of my dreams."

 

The cat had  climbed down and was exploring Santa's sack.
"Yes, little kitty, that's an  empty pack."

 

Santa smiled as he drank and looked at those eyes,
deep  brown ones and gold ones held wide in surprise.

 

Some of these dogs, he'd  seen just last year,
in their puppy homes, cute and full of holiday  cheer.

 

He'd seen the effects of a pup on the tree,
but now they were  here at the school, just waiting to be.

 

"I didn't bring you presents or  bones just to chew.
I'll tell you something better, what you are going to  do."

 

"You all will work hard and the trainers will share,
both praise  and correction, gentle and fair."

 

"You'll go lots of places and face big  scary things.
You'll ride buses and subways and hear fire sirens  ring."

 

"Cars will drive at you but you will stand strong,
not moving  into danger, not moving toward wrong."

 

"And then just when you think that  this trainer's the best,
the kindest, and funnest person, toss away all the  rest,"

 

"That trainer will begin to ignore you and give you  away,
handing your leash over despite your dismay."

 

"Now the person  who pets you and feeds you will be
a blind person. That's a person who can't  see."

 

" This man or this woman may see just a tad,
but their view's  missing parts or the focus is bad."

 

"So you, well trained dogs, will act  as their eyes.
You will work as a team and discover the size"

 

"Of this  great world we live in, because you will go
a million new places with this  person, you know."

 

Santa sipped at his coffee and looked over the  brood,
knowing what he had to say next might sound kind of rude.

 

"Not  all of you will make it and become canine guides.
Your time here isn't wasted  though. You won't be cast aside."

 

"Some of you will be drug dogs and some  will find bombs.
Some will become pets in a home with a dad and a  mom."

 

"All these things are important. People wait on long lists,
to  receive such good dogs as you, the school folks insist."

 

The last drop of  coffee had gone into his cup
as Santa turned, smiling at each wide eyed  pup.

 

"The best gift of all is to give something back.
That's why  there's nothing for you all inside of my pack."

 

Draining his mug, Santa  went to each pen,
and petted and scratched each dog again and  again.

 

"Now next year and many more years after that,
you all will  give gifts wherever you're at."

 

"You might lick a hand that's had a bad  day,
Or notice a car and step out of the way."

 

"You might help catch a  crook or discover some loot,
Or just bring some joy to a tired old man in a  funny red suit."

 

"Your master will love you and treat you with  care.
In return, your training and trust will always be there."

 

After  the last dog had been petted and soothed,
Santa put away the coffee pot and  made ready to move.

 

Up the ladder he rose to the door high above,
with  a smile and a wave as he slipped on his gloves.

 

And all the dog ears were  pricked as he disappeared out of sight.
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a  Good Night!"

Author Unknown

 

"How To Wrap A Gift"

 

 

 

(With Help From Your Furry Friend...)

 

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

 

2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag from wardrobe.

 

3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.

 

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

 

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
 
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape,
 ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.

 

7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table
to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

 

8. Go back to drawer to get string.
Remove cat that has been in the drawer
since last visit and collect string.

 

9. Reopen drawer and re-remove cat.

 

10. Remove present from bag.
 
11. Remove cat from bag.

 

12. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

 

13. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

 

14. Try to smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.

 

15. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
 
16. Throw away first sheet as cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.

 

17.  Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat
in the bag the present came out of.

 

18. Place present on cut to size paper.

 

19. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present.
 wonder why edges now don't reach
and realize cat is between present and paper.
Remove cat and retry.

 

20. Place object on paper to hold in place
while cutting transparent sticky tape.
 
21. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove
transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

 

22. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape,
making corners as neat as possible.

 

23. Look for roll of ribbon, chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.

 

24. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two directional turn.

 

25. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper that is now torn
due to cat's enthusiasm to chase ribbon end.
 
26. Repeat steps 13 - 20 until down to last sheet of paper.

 

27. Decide to skip steps 13- 17 in order to save time
and reduce risk of loosing last sheet of paper by retrieving
old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.

 

28. Put present in box and tie down with string.

 

29. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

 

30. Put all packing materials in bag with present
and head for lockable room.
 
31. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.

 

32. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door,
close door and re-lock.

 

33. Repeat previous step as often as necessary
until you can hear the cries from the cat outside the door.

 

34. Lay out last sheet of paper.
(I know this is difficult in the small area of the bathroom, but try your best.)

 

35. Realize that cat has already gotten to the paper.
 Unlock door, go out and hunt through various cupboards
looking for sheets of last year's paper,
until you remember that you haven't got any left due
to cat's help with wrapping last year.
 
36. Retire back to room, lock door and sit on toilet while trying to work out how to make a torn sheet of paper look halfway presentable.

 

37. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.

 

38. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.

 

39. Unlock door and go to kitchen to make a drink and feed the cat.

 

40. Spend the next 15 minutes looking for cat
before coming to obvious conclusion...
  
41. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

 

42. Retrieve all thrown away sheets of wrapping paper, feed the cat and retire to room for last attempt, making certain you are alone
and the door is locked.

 

43. Find least torn and wrinkled sheets of paper along with the ones that the pattern matches closest.

 

44. Vainly try and wrap present in patchwork paper.
Tie with the now tattered ribbon and decorate with the now limp bows.  Label and put present in bag for fear of anyone seeing this disaster.

 

45. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly
at the receiver's face as they try to hide their contempt
at being handed such a badly wrapped present.

46. Swear to yourself that next year
you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you!

 

 

Christmas Presents"

 

Here are ten useful phrases for responding to Christmas presented you would rather not have received:

 

1.  Thanks a lot!
2.  My word!  What a gift.
3.  Well, well, well ...
4.  If I hadn't put on so much weight recently it would have fitted me perfectly.
5.  Gosh, I hope I never lose this. We're always losing things around here.
6.  It's great; but I'm worried about the jealousy it may create.
7.  Just my luck to get this, on the Christmas I promised to give all my gifts to charity.
8.  Unfortunately, I am about to enter MI5's Witness Protection programme.
9.  Frankly, I don't deserve this.
10. Really, you shouldn't have.

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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