Forum Navigation
You need to log in to create posts and topics.
Happy 4th of July Monday
#1 · July 3, 2005, 8:08 am
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
To all our fellow Americans!
We hope you enjoy the day with family and friends and remember what a great country you have!
Have a happy and safe Independence Day.
Have a happy and safe Independence Day.
"Holiday Humor"
What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
Beneduck Arnold!
Beneduck Arnold!
What did Paul Revere say at the end of his ride?
"I gotta get a softer saddle!"
"I gotta get a softer saddle!"
What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?
The Boston Flea Party!
The Boston Flea Party!
What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!
The Americans licked the British!
Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!
Why did the British cross the Atlantic?
To get to the other tide!
To get to the other tide!
What do you call a parade of German mercenaries?
A Hessian procession!
A Hessian procession!
What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle!
Yankee Poodle!
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!
Yeah, it cracked me up!
What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!
The Fodder of Our Country!
What's red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?
A revolutionary warthog!
A revolutionary warthog!
What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved!
Nothing. It just waved!
What's red, white, black and blue?
Uncle Sam falling down the steps!
Uncle Sam falling down the steps!
Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?
At the chopping mall!
At the chopping mall!
What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?
Liberty!
Liberty!
What was General Washington's favourite tree?
The infantry!
The infantry!
Which colonists told the most jokes?
Punsylvanians!
Punsylvanians!
What would you get if you crossed Washington's home with nasty insects?
Mt. Vermin!
Mt. Vermin!
What did a patriot put on his dry skin?
Revo-lotion!
Revo-lotion!
"Independence Day One Liners"
These one liners are only meant to add more smiles, chuckles and guffaws to your celebrations. They are not meant to hurt anyone's sentiments and we request you to take them in the true spirit of the famous American humor. Enjoy!!!
What is the most common educational degree in New Mexico?
Kindergarten dropout.
Kindergarten dropout.
Why do New Mexicans drink less Kool-Aid than folks in other states?
Because they have such a hard time getting two quarts of water into that little envelope.
Because they have such a hard time getting two quarts of water into that little envelope.
How do you recognize a Virginian staying in a fancy hotel?
He's the one trying to slam the revolving door.
He's the one trying to slam the revolving door.
Did you hear about the Baton Rouge bride who cancelled the wedding when she heard her friends were planning to give her a shower?
A Bangor resident went to the airport and asked for a roundtrip ticket.
The ticket agent asked, "Where to?"
The Mainer said, "Well, back here, of course."
The ticket agent asked, "Where to?"
The Mainer said, "Well, back here, of course."
Why is Otto the most common name in Minnesota?
There's only two letters to remember.
There's only two letters to remember.
How did the Cleveland cop lose his contact lens?
The putty fell out of his eye!
The putty fell out of his eye!
Did you hear about the Georgia accountant who absconded with all the accounts payable?
A Toledo man was admitted to the city hospital last night with severe burns after dunking for French fries at a Halloween party.
"They caught Hughie last night burglarizin' a house in Birmingham 'cause he broke two windows."
"Why'd he do that?"
"One to get in, and one to get out."
"Why'd he do that?"
"One to get in, and one to get out."
What can most Alabama kids do by the age of twelve?
Wave bye-bye.
Wave bye-bye.
How can you tell when a North Dakotan has class?
When the words on his tattoo are spelled correctly.
When the words on his tattoo are spelled correctly.
Did you hear about the Omaha mother who got tired of putting name tags on her son's shirts, so she had his name legally changed to "Machine Washable"?
Did you hear about the New Yorker who was killed in a pie-eating contest?
The cow sat on him.
The cow sat on him.
What's considered a major cultural event with social significance in Idaho?
A black-and-white Road Runner cartoon.
A black-and-white Road Runner cartoon.
"How come you're only watering half your lawn?" a perplexed tourist asked a Richmond resident.
"I just heard there was a fifty percent chance of rain."
"I just heard there was a fifty percent chance of rain."
What's considered a solid hour's reading in Iowa?
The back of a cereal box.
The back of a cereal box.
A North Dakota farmer was visiting Las Vegas. He had no money to gamble, so he watched the games and bet mentally. In no time at all, he'd lost his mind.
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
Necessary Legal Information
We do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.