Quote from Forum Archives on April 21, 2005, 12:30 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Heaven Can’t Wait"

   

    

 

An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise.

 

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "ooohed and aaahed," the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

 

"It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

 

Next, they went out back to see the championship golf course. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.

 

The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

 

Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

 

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.

 

"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

 

"Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied.

 

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods?" the old man asked timidly.

 

"That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

 

The old man looked at his wife and said, "You and your bran muffins. I could have been here ten years ago!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The Obedient Wife"

 

 

There was a man who had worked all of his life,
had saved all of his money, and was a real miser
when it came to his money. Just before he died,
he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take
all my money and put it in the casket with me. I
want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

 

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of
her heart that when he died, she would put all of
the money in the casket with him.

 

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket,
his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend
was sitting next to her. When they finished the
ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready
to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box with her; she came over with the box
and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked
the casket down, and they rolled it away.

 

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't foolish
enough to put all that money in there with your
husband."

 

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I can't
go back on my word. I promised him that I was going
to put that money in that casket with him."

 

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket
with him!!!!?"

 

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it
into my account and wrote him a check. If he can
cash it, he can spend it."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rescue

 

A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units.
One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours.

 

When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone home."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"A happy heart is like good medicine" (Proverbs 17:22)

 

 

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

 

 

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