Hymns: The Way We'd Sing Them If We Were Honest
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
I Surrender Some
There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings
Fill My Spoon, Lord
Oh, How I Like Jesus
He's Quite a Bit to Me
I Love to Talk About Telling the Story
Take My Life and Let Me Be
It is My Secret What God Can Do
There is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
Onward, Christian Reserves
Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following
Just As I Pretend to Be
When the Saints Go Sneaking In
Sit Up, Sit Up for Jesus
A Comfy Mattress Is Our God
Self-esteem to the World! The Lord Is Come
Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
Go Tell It on the Speed Bump
Special, Special, Special
Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
Praise God from whom All Affirmations Flow
My Hope Is Built on Nothing Much
O, God, Our Enabler in Ages Past
I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviors on Jesus
Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
All Hail the Influence of Jesus' Name!
When Peace, Like a Trickle
I'm Fairly Certain that My Redeemer Lives
We Give Thee but Still Think We Own
What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
My Faith Looks Around for Thee
Joyful, Joyful We Think Thee Pretty Good
Blessed Hunch
Above Average Is Thy Faithfulness
We Are Milling Around in the Light of God
Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere Near Me
Blest Be the Tie that Doesn't Cramp My Style
Quickies
A confirmation student was asked to list the Ten Commandments in any order.
He wrote, "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There will be a meeting of the Board immediately after the service," announced the pastor. After the close of the service, the group gathered at the back of the auditorium for the announced meeting. But there was a stranger in their midst. He was a visitor who had never attended their church before. "My friend," asked the pastor, did you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?" "Yes," said the visitor, "and after that sermon, I'm about as bored as you can get!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a church bulletin: "A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Minister: Do you know what's in the Bible?
Little Girl: Yes. I think I know everything that's in it.
Minister: You do? Tell me.
Little Girl: OK. There's a picture of my brother's girlfriend, a ticket from the dry cleaners, one of my curls, and a Pizza Hut coupon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They have Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now. You can call up and it rings and rings but nobody answers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, "What's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunday School Teacher: "What evidence is there in the Bible that Adam and Eve were noisy?"
Boy: "They raised Cain!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What a good thing Adam had going. When he said something he knew nobody had said it before.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A minister was opening his mail one morning. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope, he found written on it only one word: "FOOL." The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names. But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The chairman of the pastor search committee informed the congregation: "Next Sunday our visiting preacher will be the Rev. Bill Oaks. If you would like to see the other preachers, you will find them hanging in the vestibule."
~~~~~~~~~~~
How is baseball reminiscent of the Old Testament?
The Book of Genesis talks about what happened in the "big inning".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where was tennis first mentioned in the Old Testament?
In Exodus: Moses served in Pharoah's courts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How is tennis like a truly spiritual life?
Even if you have nothing, you still have love.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What does golf teach us about the church?
Well, you can "join the club" even if you are "below par".
But if you are a "big swinger", you had better "keep your head down" (and pray), or you'll end up getting "the shaft".
Have A Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
Necessary Legal Information
I do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from me it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than me, has forwarded it to you.
Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org