If College Students Wrote the Bible
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning--cold.
The Ten Commandments would actually be only five--double-spaced and
written in a large font.
New edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to abuse@romans.gov.
Reason Cain killed Abel: they were roommates.
Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
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~~~ Oh Nuts! ~~~
Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts. Along the way, they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts.
When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery. The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts.
The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile.
In the process, two of them rolled away and rested near the road. The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts. "One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me."
As they were doing this, another boy was passing by and happened to hear them. He looked into the cemetery, but could not see the boys, because they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town.
"Father! Father!" he yelled as he entered his house.
"The cemetery. Come quick!"
"What's the matter?" his father asked.
"No time to explain," the boy frantically panted. "Follow me!"
The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery. They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments. Then the father asked his son what was wrong.
"Do you hear that?" he whispered. Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts. "One for me. One for you. One for me. One for you..."
The boy then blurted out, "The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls!"
The father was skeptical but silent -- until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other, "Now, as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road, we'll have them all."
They say the father made it back to town 5 minutes before the boy!
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~~~ Praying Too Loudly ~~~
Two young boys were spending the night at their
grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt
beside their beds to say their prayers when the
youngest one began praying at the top of his
lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR
A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the
younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting
your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the
little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
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~~~ Daddy Said ~~~
The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said "I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that my dear" she asked.
The little boy replied "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the doggone walls if you came to visit us again."
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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