Quote from Forum Archives on March 14, 2000, 12:05 pm

Posted by: <@...>

Valentine's Day would be moved to February
29th so it would only occur in leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow,
you'd get the day off. Mother's Day too.

Garbage would take itself out.

Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a
cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate
Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view
event in world history.

The only show opposite "Monday Night Football"
would "Monday Night Football from a Different
Camera Angle".

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

When a cop gave you a ticket, every
smart-aleck answer you responded with would
actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling fries all over
the place."
Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".

Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of
conversation.

Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring,
you could present your wife-to-be with a giant
foam hand that said "You're #1!".

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you
during the game, she'd appear in a little box in
the corner of the screen during a time-out.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be
CEO.

At the end of the workday a whistle would blow
and you would jump out of your window and
slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right
into your car like Fred Flintstone.

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your
name again?" cards.