IF MY BODY WERE A CAR Thursday
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about
trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches
in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not
the worst of it.
My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish.
They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old
Buick. My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are
sagging.
Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in
my neighborhood!
Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my
eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course.
I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places
and seen many things, but when' s the last time an appraiser factored
life experiences against depreciation?
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see
things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip
and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to
reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it -- almost every time I sneeze, cough or
sputter.....my radiator leaks!
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"OFFICE DIRECTORY"
Assertiveness Training Coach: Lois Steem
Auto-Body Expert: Rusty Steele
British Cutlery Specialist: Sir Irving Spoon
Chief Justice: Judge Mental
Chief of Tire Technology: Yessir Itsaflat
Communications Director: George Stayontopothis
Copyright Attorney: Pat Pending
Customer Car Care Representative: Haywood Jabuzzoff
Director of Catering: Russell Upsumgrub
Director of Purchasing: Lois Bidder
Director of Monopoly Policy: Juan Moorehouse
Graduation Coordinators: Val and Dick Torian
Head of Security: Barb Dwyer
Jazz Music Coordinator: Bertha Deblues
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"Three Dollars"
to Cambridge and see a football game. As they sat down, the
boy slapped his father on the back and said, "Dad, for three
dollars you are going to see more fight, more life, and more
enthusiasm then you ever saw before."
The old man smiled and replied, "I am not so sure about that,
Son. That's what I paid for my marriage license."
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Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
"A happy heart is like good medicine" (Proverbs 17:22)
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