I'LL TELL
Posted by: root <root@...>
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Jack Benny and George Burns became friends when both were young performers
working their way up through the vaudeville circuit, and they remained
friends until Benny died. One day, they were lunching at a Hollywood
restaurant, and Benny was wrestling with the problem of whether or not to
butter his bread.
"I like butter on my bread," he said. "But my diet strictly forbids butter.
Maybe I should call Mary and ask her what to do."
"Jack," Burns said, "don't be ridiculous. You're a grown man. You should be
able to decide, without your wife's help, whether or not to butter your own
bread."
"You're right," Benny said. "I'll just have the butter, that's all."
When the waiter arrived with the check, Burns pointed to Benny and said,
"He's paying."
"What?" Benny said. "Why should I have to pay the whole bill?"
"Because if you don't," Burns said, "I'll tell Mary about the butter."
____________________________________________________
DON'T BLAME THE DOC, DOC
A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous
specialist.
"So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the doctor.
"My local General Practitioner."
"Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort
of useless advice did he give you?"
"He told me to come and see you."