Johnny's Lies Tuesday
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
Please keep Niki in your prayers. Niki continues to show signs of improvement each day. God is answering our prayers and please keep praying for Niki.
The next day, Johnny shows up 2 hours late. Johnny says, "I was 2 hours early today so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school. I caught a 17-pound trout and had to take it home. If I didn't clean it and freeze it, my mom would've been angry. That's why I'm so late".
The teacher promptly takes him to the principal's office and explains the story to the principal.
The principal tells Johnny about his own trip to school that day. He says, "I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear behind me. He was 24 feet tall and had 6-inch fangs. He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up and attacked the bear. The little dog killed the bear and then ate the whole bear right there in front of me. What do you think of that, Johnny?"
Johnny replies, "Oh yeah, that's my dog Sparky. That's his third bear this week."
Obituary
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of Common
Sense who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long
ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing
when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and
that life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies(don't spend more
than you earn)and reliable parenting strategies
(adults, not kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing
a classmate;teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student,only worsened his
condition.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the
parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Finally, Common sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments
became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received
better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize
that a steaming cup of coffee was hot,she spilled a bit in her lap, and
was awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many
attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still know him pass this on,
if not join the majority and do nothing.
A New Empty- Nester
I am a first-grade teacher and a new empty-nester. One
night I was trying out an art project: making a person
with simple materials.
I took a coat hanger, attached a paper-plate face, put a
shirt on the hanger, and stuffed it. Then I set it on the
couch to see how it looked.
Later that evening, my son walked through the door, home
for a surprise visit. Taking one look at my coat-hanger
friend sitting on the couch, he said,
"Mom, it's not THAT bad, is it?"
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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