Jokes conundrum
Posted by: clean-hewmor <clean-hewmor@...>
Saint Peter had a terrible cold and fever and didn't think he would last the
minding the Pearly Gates of Heaven. So he phoned Jesus to ask for the day off.
"Why, Peter," Jesus said. "You know your health is my first concern. Take as
much time as you need."
As Jesus pondered who he might use to replace Peter, he decided to handle the
job himself. It was a very slow day and no one approached the Gates until late in the afternoon, when in the distance, Jesus saw a bent, white-haired old man slowly making his way up the path with the aid of a gnarled cane.
As the man neared, Jesus said, "Good afternoon, sir. How may I help you?"
"Well," replied the man, "I was hoping to enter the Gates of Heaven."
"We would certainly love to have you," said Jesus, "but we do have certain rules as to who can enter Heaven. Tell me, what have you done to deserve such an honor?"
"Actually, I have done nothing so wonderful myself," said the man. "I lived in a small town and led a simple life as a carpenter. But my son," he continued, "now HE was special !"
With pride in his voice he said, "I raised him to be a carpenter like myself and did my best to teach him right from wrong. And when he grew older, an amazing transformation overcame him and to this day he's known throughout the world and loved by all alike."
As Jesus listened to the story, a sense of recognition came to him. With a lump in his throat and a tear in his eye, he threw open his arms and cried, "Father!"
Emotional at this outburst, the old man threw open his arms and yelled, "Pinocchio!"
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The Religious Lady On The Plane
There was a religious lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so naturally she did a lot of flying. Flying made her extremely nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her to read since it helped relax her on the long flights.
One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle, smirked and went back to what he was doing.
After a while, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"
The lady replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible." He said, "Well, what about the guy that was swallowed by the whale?"
She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible."
He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"
The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him."
"What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.
"Then you can ask him," replied the lady
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Three Wishes
Three women were out golfing one day and one of them hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."
The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said "That would be okay" and for her first wish she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world...
The frog warned her-"You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to him."
The woman replied, "That will be okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me..." So, poof she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you..."
The woman said. "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine... ", poof-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish and she answered "I'd like a
mild heart attack..."