Because God is so concerned for the holiness of His people, they should be equally concerned. The church cannot preach and teach a message it does not live and have any integrity before God, or even before the world. Yet in many churches where there is no tolerance for sin in principle there is much tolerance for it in practice. And when preaching becomes separated from living, it becomes separated both from integrity and from spiritual and moral effectiveness. It promotes hypocrisy instead of holiness. Divorcing biblical teaching from daily living is compromise of the worst sort. It corrupts the church, grieves the Lord, and dishonors His Word and His name.
John MacArthur

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KIDS IN GRADE SCHOOL THINK FAST!

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#1 · November 7, 2003, 11:40 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

      
*** Kids In Grade School Think Fast *** 
 
TEACHER:
Why are you late?

 WEBSTER:
 Because of the sign.
TEACHER:
 What sign?
WEBSTER:
 The one that says,
"School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER:
 Cindy, why are you doing
 your math multiplication
On the floor?
 CINDY:
 You told me to do it
without using tables!
TEACHER:
John, how do you spell
 "crocodile?"
 JOHN:
K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
 TEACHER:
 No, that's wrong
 JOHN:
 Maybe it s wrong,
 but you asked me
 how I spell it!
TEACHER:
What is the chemical
 formula for water?
SARAH:
H I J K L M N O!!
 TEACHER:
 What are you talking about?
 SARAH:
 Yesterday you
said it's H to O!
TEACHER:
 George, go to the map
and find North America.
 GEORGE:
Here it is!
TEACHER:
 Correct. Now class,
who discovered America?
 CLASS:
George!
TEACHER:
 Willie, name one important
 thing we have today
that we didn't have
 ten years ago.
WILLIE:
 Me!
TEACHER:
Tommy, why do you
 always get so dirty?
TOMMY:
Well, I'm a lot closer to
 the ground than you are.
TEACHER:
Ellen, give me a sentence
 starting with "I."
 ELLEN:
 I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen.....
Always say, "I am."
 ELLEN:
All right...
"I am the ninth
letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER:
"Can anybody give an example
of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY:
 "Sir, my Mother and Father
 got married on the
 same day, same time."
TEACHER:
 "George Washington not
 only chopped down his
father's cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his
 father didn't punish him?"
 JOHNNY:
"Because George still
 had the ax in his hand."
TEACHER:
Now, Sam, tell me frankly,
do you say prayers
before eating?
SAM:
 No sir, I don't have to,
 my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER:
 Desmond, your composition
 on "My Dog" is exactly
 the same as your brother's.
 Did you copy his?
 DESMOND:
No, teacher,
it's the same dog!
TEACHER:
 What do you call a
person who keeps on
talking when people are
 no longer interested?
PUPIL:
A teacher.
SILVIA:
 Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER:
 I think so. What do you
 want me to write?
SYLVIA:
Your name on
this report card.
 
*** How Students Spend Christmas ***
      
 
The Teacher, Ms. Pelzner, was very curious
about how each of her students celebrated Christmas.
She called on young Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?"
she asked.
Patrick addressed the class,
 "Well Ms. Pelzner, me and my twelve brothers
and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we
sing hymns, then we come home very late
 and we put mince pies by the back door
and hang up our stockings. Then all
excited we go to bed and wait for
 Father Christmas to come with all our toys."
"Very nice Patrick," she said.
"Now Jimmy Brown what do
you do at Christmas?"
 
 Well, Ms. Jones,
me and my sister also go to Church with
 Mum and Dad and we sing carols and
we get home ever so late. We put cookies
and milk by the chimney ! and we
 hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep,
waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents,
" Jimmy replied."
"That's also very nice Jimmy,"
she said. Realizing there was a Jewish boy
 in the class and not wanting to leave him
out of the discussion, she asked
Isaac Cohen the same question.
"Now Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
 Isaac said, "Well we also sing carols!"
Surprised, Mrs. Jones questioned further.
 "Tell us what you sing.
 
 "Well, it's
the same thing every year. Dad comes home
from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce,
 then we drive to his toy factory.
 When we get inside, we look at all the empty
shelves and begin to sing,
" What a friend we have in Jesus."
 Then we all go to the Bahamas
 
*** Sermon On Sin *** 
 
                 
 
Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together
 in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher.
 
When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two
ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, "AMEN, BROTHER!"
 
When the preacher condemned the sin of lust,
they yelled again, "PREACH IT, REVEREND!"
 
And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to  their
feet and screamed, "RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS...AMEN!"
 
But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet.
One turned to the other and said, "He's quit preaching and now he's meddlin'."
 
 
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
 
 
Have a Great Weekend
See You Monday
 
 

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