Kids Little Instructions On Life
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
"Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are
twitching."
- Andrew, Age 9
"Wear a hat when feeding seagulls."
- Rocky, age 9
"Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning."
- Stephanie, age 8
"Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower."
- Lamar, age 10
"Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your
parents are doing taxes."
- Carrol, age 9
"Never bug a pregnant mom."
- Nicholas, age 11
"Don't ever be too full for dessert."
- Kelly, age 10
"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?'
don't answer him."
- Heather, age 16
"Never tell your mom her diet's not working."
- Michael, age 14
"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."
- Joel, age 12
"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone."
- Alyesha, age 13
"Never try to baptize a cat."
- Laura, age 13
"Never spit when on a roller coaster."
- Scott, age 11
"Never do pranks at a police station."
- Sam, age 10
"Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving."
- Rob, age 10
"Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do
what your mom told you to do."
- Hank, age 12
"Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand."
- Molly, age 11
"Listen to your brain. It has lots of information."
- Chelsey, age 7
"Stay away from prunes."
-Randy, age 9
"Never dare your little brother to paint the family car."
- Phillip, age 13
"Forget the cake, go for the icing."
- Cynthia, age 8
"Remember the two places you are always welcome-church and Grandma's house."
- Joanne, age 11
"When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents."
- Matthew, age 12
Dear Pastor
Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.
Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix
Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert, Page 11, Anderson
Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven
Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany
Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago
Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma
Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota
Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York City
Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner. Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens
Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age10, Raleigh
Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena
Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God? Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville
Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla. Age 10, Salina
Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron
Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers? Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston
Church Remodeling
The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the
preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest
may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and
announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000." Just then, plaster fell
from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder.
He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my
donation to $5,000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on
him again and he screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge."
He sat down and an even larger chunk of plaster fell, this time
hitting him on the head.
He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This
prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!"
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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