Lawyer Jokes
Posted by: clean-hewmor <clean-hewmor@...>
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
A: Your honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
A: Senator.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
A: Because down deep, they are all nice guys!
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Q: What is the definition "lucky break?"
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame?"
A: There was an empty seat.
Q: Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other's just a fish.
Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery
Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Heck, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Q: Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?
A: Because people could not tell which side to spit on.
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.