Quote from Forum Archives on May 8, 2006, 11:52 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Letter From Mother"

 

 

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.

 

"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her.

 

What does she mean by that?

 

I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?"

 

"Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I, I couldn't spell 'convenience,' so I made it 'risk."

 

 

"An Honorary Degree"

 

 

A rich Texan walked into the offices of the
president of a small Texas college and said,
"I'd like to donate a million dollars tax free to
this institution.  But there's a condition.  I would
like to have an honorary degree."

 

The president nodded agreeably, "That's not
a problem. We can certainly arrange that!"

 

The rich man said, "An honorary degree for
my *horse*."

 

"For your horse???"

 

"Yep, you betcha.  She carried me for many
years and I owe her a lot.  I'd like her to receive
a Tr.D., a Doctor of Transportation."

 

"But . . . we can't give a degree to a *horse*!"

 

"Then I'm afraid I'll have to take my million
dollars to another educational institution."

 

"Well, wait a minute," said the president,
seeing the million slip through his fingers,
"Let me consult with the school's trustees."

 

A hurried trustee meeting was brought to
order and the president related the deal and
the condition.  All of the board reacted with
shock and disbelief -- except the oldest trustee.
He appeared almost asleep.

 

One trustee snorted, "We can't give a *horse*
an honorary degree -- no matter HOW much
money is involved."

 

The oldest trustee opened his eyes and said,
"Take the money and give the horse the degree."

 

The president asked, "Don't you think that
would be a disgrace to us?"

 

"Of course not, " the wise old trustee said.  "It
would be an honor.  It'd be the first time we
ever gave a degree to an ENTIRE horse."

 

 

"No Excuse Sunday"

 

 

To make it possible for everyone to attend
church next Sunday we are going to have
a special "No Excuse Sunday."

 

Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who
say "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."

 

We  will have steel helmets for those who
think the church is too cold, and fans for
those who say it is too hot.

 

We will have hearing aids for those who say
"The Preacher talks too softly," and cotton for
those who say he preaches too loudly.

 

Score cards for those who wish to list
hypocrites present.

 

Some relatives will be in attendance for
those who like to go visiting on Sundays.

 

There will be TV dinners for those who
can't go to Church and cook dinner also.

 

One section will be devoted to trees and
grass for those who like to see God in
Nature.

 

Finally, the Sanctuary will be decorated
with both Christmas poinsettias and
Easter Lilies for those who have never
seen the church without them.

 

 

Look at the world around you, and you'll see God's creativity;

Look at the dinner table, and you'll see God's providence;

Look at the mirror, and you'll see God's sense of humor.

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

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