Lying Contest
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.
The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"
One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."
Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."
There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."
*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=**=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=**=*=*=*=*
~~~ Hospital Visit ~~~
Old Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their minister to stand with them. As the minister stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The minister lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died.
The minister thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Fred died. He said, "You know, Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it yet, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note, and read, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"
*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=**=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=**=*=*=*=*
~~~ Grand Retardment ~~~
Even if you're not a grandparent you will enjoy this. A teacher
asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation.
One child wrote the following:
We always spend our vacation with Grandma and Grandpa. They used
to live here in a big, brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and
they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of
other retarded people.
They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like
grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags
because they don't know who they are anymore.
They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have
got it fixed because it is all right now. They play games and do
exercises there, but they don't do them very well.
There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it
with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.
At their gate there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting
in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they
sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.
My grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot
how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same
thing every night: Early Birds.
Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go
out, so the ones who get out bring food back to the wrecked
center and call it pot luck.
My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his
retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded one
day, too.
When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the dollhouse.
Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.
Necessary Legal Information
I do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from me it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than me, has forwarded it to you.
Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org