Quote from Forum Archives on September 29, 2006, 10:39 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Mom's Answering Machine"

 

 

Hello- This is your Mother!
If you want my advice: PRESS 1
If you want to argue: PRESS 2
If you want your father to drive you somewhere PRESS 3
If you want to leave a message: WAIT FOR THE TONE
If you want to aggravate me or borrow money: HANG UP!

 

 

"My Mother Taught Me"

 

 

1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home."

 

2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING.... "You are going to get it when we get home!"

 

3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don't talk back to me!"

 

4. My Mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, your not going to the store with me."

 

5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

 

6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

 

7. My Mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

 

8. My Mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

 

9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

 

10.My Mother taught me about SEX.... "How do you think you got here?"

 

11.My Mother taught me about GENETICS... "You're just like your father."

 

12.My Mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

 

13.My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

 

14.And my all time favorite... JUSTICE... "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you....Then you'll see what it's like."

 

"Giving Up"

 

 

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on
her face.

 

"Why do you do that, Mommy?" he asked.

 

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the
cream with a tissue.

 

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

 

 

Have a Blessed Weekend
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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