Murphy's Laws for Parents
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.
2. Leakproof thermoses -- will.
3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side
down is
directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
4. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the
argument
over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.
5. The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs
to
be washed or mended.
6. Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than
other
clothing.
7. The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next
ten
seconds, will be found in the last place you look.
8. Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the
treatment room.
9. Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of
the
refrigerator.
10. Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically
increase if
you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.
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~~Priest Needed~~
A bus on a busy street in New York City strikes a man. He is lying near
death on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around.
Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd
"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again.
Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty
years of age. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not
even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St.
Elizabeth's Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm
listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to
this man."
The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where the
dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a
solemn voice:
B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72. . ."
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~~The Quaker and The Burglar~~
A burglar entered the house of a Quaker and
proceeded to rob it.
The Quaker heard the noise and took his shotgun
downstairs.
Upon finding the burglar he aimed his gun and
said gently, "Friend, I mean thee no harm, but thou
standest where I am about to shoot."
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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