I have never known a pastor to be fired for prayerlessness, even though I expect that many justly could have been (myself included). There are at least three reasons for this. First, congregations rarely hold a pastor accountable for his devotional life. Second, pastors themselves too infrequently seek such accountability. Third, pastors can conceal the neglect of private duties more easily than the neglect of public duties. But what does such private neglect reveal? That a pastor fears man more than he fears God (Mike Smith).
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Nearsigted Minister

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#1 · September 25, 2003, 9:51 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

 
<><> Nearsighted Minister <><>  
 
A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones
had sent to him by an usher.

The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife
desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."

Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience
by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife,
desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."

 
 

<><> We Should Pray <><> 
 
As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one
day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something
terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be
hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray."

From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God,
don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."

 
 

<><> In The Beginning <><>

In  the beginning, God created the Heavens and the      
Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli and
cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow and red
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live
long and healthy lives.
 
 Then, using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and
Jerry's and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You
want chocolate with that?" And Man said,"Yeah!" And
Woman said, "And another one with sprinkles." And they
gained 20 pounds.
 
 And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might
keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan
brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar
from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from
size 6 to size 14.
 
 So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan
presented Thousand-Island Dressing and garlic toast on
the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts
following the repast.
 
 Then God said, "I have sent you heart healthy
vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them," And
Satan brought forth deep fried fish, and chicken-fried
steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained
more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
 
 God then brought forth running shoes so that his
children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave
cable TV with a remote control so that Man would not
have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman
laughed and cried before the flickering light and
gained pounds. Then God brought forth the potato,
naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
 
 And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced
the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And
Man gained pounds. Then God gave lean beef so that Man
might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his
appetite. And Satan created McDonald's with its
99-cent double cheeseburger.

 Then Satan said, "You want fries with that?" And Man
replied, "Yeah, and Super size'em!" And Satan said;
"It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
 
 God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
 
 Then Satan created HMO's

 
 
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
 
 

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