Quote from Forum Archives on October 15, 2003, 11:02 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

 

 

*** New Church Bloopers ***  

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

 

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

 

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

 

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water".The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"

 

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

 

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

 

Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.

 

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

 

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

 

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

 

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

 

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

 

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

 

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

 

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

 

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm.-- prayer and medication to follow.

 

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

 

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

 

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

 

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

 

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge -- Up Yours."

 

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

 

 

*** Him Too ******

 

A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police
helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over and
began to issue a traffic ticket.

 

"How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked.

 

The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.

 

"You mean," asked the motorist, "that even He is against me?"

 

*** The Pumpkin Prayer *** 

 

Dear God,
As I carve my pumpkin help me say this prayer:
 Open my mind so I can learn about You;
(Cut the top of the pumpkin)

 

Take away all my sin and forgive me for the wrong things I do.
(Clean out the inside)

 

Open my eyes so Your love I will see;
(Cut eyes shaped like hearts)

 

I'm sorry for turning up my nose to all You've given me.
(Cut a nose in the shape of the cross)

 

 Open my ears so Your word I will hear;
(Cut ears shaped like the Bible)

 

Open my mouth so I can tell others You're near.
(Cut the mouth in the shape of a fish)

 

Let Your light shine in all I say and do!
Amen
(Place a candle inside and light it)

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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