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"New Lutheran Airline" Wednesday
#1 · February 8, 2005, 12:15 pm
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
"New Luteran Airline"
YA SHURE, YA BETCHA! DIS IS DA LATEST AIR SERVICE TO SPROUT UP IN
MINNYSOOTA. ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA .
If you are travelin soon, consider LUTRAN AIR, da no-frills
airline. You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is a
upliftin experience.
MINNYSOOTA. ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA .
If you are travelin soon, consider LUTRAN AIR, da no-frills
airline. You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is a
upliftin experience.
Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight and meals are potluck.
Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.
Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft.
Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by
freewill offering and da plane will not land 'til da budget is met.
Pay attention to Lena, your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit da safety
system aboard dis Lutran Air 599.
Okay den, listen up. I'm only gonna say dis vonce. In da event of a sudden
loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill
Captain Olson (known as Ole), because ve fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of
cabin presure vood probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat
nature, and I vouldn't bodar with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes.
You're gonna have bigger tings to vorry about den dat. Just stuff doze back
up in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell out because
of turbulence vhich, to be honest vit you, ve're going to have quite a bit
of at two tousand feet.. sort a like driving across a plowed field, but
after a vhile you get used to it.
In da event of a vater landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord's
Prayer and yust hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as ve
forgive doze who sin against us, vhich some people say "trespass against
us," vhich isn't right, but what can you do?
Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day
may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is seat of da pants all da
way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant
you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mout on da side of your
head.
Ve start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style with da coffee pot up
front. Den we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in
front of you. Don't take yours wit you ven you go or I am going to be real
upset and I am not kiddin!
Right now I'll say Grace. "Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze
gifts to us be blessed. Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut
or pretty close. Amen!
Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by
freewill offering and da plane will not land 'til da budget is met.
Pay attention to Lena, your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit da safety
system aboard dis Lutran Air 599.
Okay den, listen up. I'm only gonna say dis vonce. In da event of a sudden
loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill
Captain Olson (known as Ole), because ve fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of
cabin presure vood probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat
nature, and I vouldn't bodar with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes.
You're gonna have bigger tings to vorry about den dat. Just stuff doze back
up in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell out because
of turbulence vhich, to be honest vit you, ve're going to have quite a bit
of at two tousand feet.. sort a like driving across a plowed field, but
after a vhile you get used to it.
In da event of a vater landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord's
Prayer and yust hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as ve
forgive doze who sin against us, vhich some people say "trespass against
us," vhich isn't right, but what can you do?
Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day
may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is seat of da pants all da
way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant
you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mout on da side of your
head.
Ve start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style with da coffee pot up
front. Den we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in
front of you. Don't take yours wit you ven you go or I am going to be real
upset and I am not kiddin!
Right now I'll say Grace. "Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze
gifts to us be blessed. Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut
or pretty close. Amen!
LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and
turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted,
"My Mummy looked back once, while she was DRIVING," he announced
triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
"Do You Know What's in The Bible?"
Minister: Do you know what's in the bible?
Little Girl: Yes, I think I know everything that's in it.
Minister: That's a pretty big claim for someone your size. Okay, go
ahead and tell me.
Little Girl: Well... let's see... there's a picture of my brother's
girlfriend, a ticket from the dry cleaners, one of my curls, and a Pizza
Hut coupon.
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
"A happy heart is like good medicine" (Proverbs 17:22)
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