'Oil of Old Lady'
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
A two and a half year old walked into the bathroom while her mother was
putting on make-up. "I'm going to look just like you Mommy!" she
announced.
"Maybe, when you grow up," her mother told her.
"No Mommy, tomorrow. I just put on that 'Oil of Old Lady' you always
use."
When I Gow Up
After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going
to be a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made
you decide to be a minister?"
"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on
Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand
up and yell than to sit still and listen."
Church Football
Benchwarmer - Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.
Quarterback Sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.
Draw Play - What many children do with the bulletin during worship.
Halftime - The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave
Backfield-in-Motion - Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) repeatedly during the service.
Staying in the Pocket - What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work.
Instant Replay - The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week’s illustrations.
Trap - You’re called on to pray and are asleep.
End Run - Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.
Flex Defense - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.
Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.
Two-minute Warning - The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.
Halfback Option - The decision of 75% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.
Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime".
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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