One Line Lessons About Me
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as
they go flying by.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the
first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
I DON'T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, YOU HAVE A PERCEPTION PROBLEM.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I
thought to myself, "where the heck is the ceiling?"
My reality check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut
butter.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and
taste good with ketchup.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat
you with experience.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the
month than you did before.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you the rest of the day.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
Following the rules will not get the job done.
When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily
by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle
this?"
Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this
line.
Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the
king.
If at first you don't succeed ...... skydiving isn't for you.
When everything is coming your way ...... you're in the wrong lane.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~Talking Dog~~~~
A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Out of the corner of his eye he notices a large dog who appears to be emptying wastebaskets.
The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination was playing tricks on him.
The dog looked up and said, "My friend, don't be surprised. This is just part of my job."
"Amazing!" exclaimed the man. "I simply can't believe it. Does your boss realise what a prize he has in you? An animal...that can talk!"
"No, no, no!!" pleaded the dog. "Please don't! If that man discovers I can talk, he'll be making me answer the phones as well."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~Headache~~~
~~~Good Things~~~
ONE OF MY HUSBAND'S colleagues at General
Electric was taking Lamaze classes with his wife
in preparation for the birth of their baby. The
first evening, couples were asked to introduce
themselves and state their occupations. A banker,
a lawyer and a psychologist spoke up, and our
factory-worker friend began to feel intimidated.
Finally his turn came. Rising to his feet, he
said, "Hi! I'm Bill." Looking down at his
pregnant wife, he quipped, "I work at GE, and
I bring good things to life!"
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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