Order In The Court!
Posted by: <@...>
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in
a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't
the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a
two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has
been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking
problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both
counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If
either of you asks her if she knows me, I'll put you both in jail for
contempt!"
----
BONUS JOKE
Telling On Daddy
"Hey, Mom," asked Ralph, "can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not!" replied his mom.
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you
were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the
money. "Well? What did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.' "