PHONE CALL
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
A man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about
churches around the country. He started by flying to
San Francisco, and started working east from there.
Going to a very large church, he began taking
photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden
telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with
a sign which read "$10,000 a minute."
Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone. The
pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a
direct line to Heaven and if he pays the price he can
talk directly to God.
The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way.
As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Austin,
Green Bay, Chicago, Milwaukee, and all around the
United States, he found more phones, with the same
sign, and got the same answer from each pastor.
Finally, he arrived in Sarnia, Ontario. Upon entering
a church in this southern area of Ontario, behold, he saw
the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign
read "Calls: 25 cents.
Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor.
"Reverend, I have been in cities all across the
country including Canada and in each church, I have found this golden
telephone and have been told it is a direct line to
Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other
churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign
reads 25 cents a call. Why?"
The pastor, smiling, replied, "Son, you're in Ontario now. This is God's country...it's a local call."
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
*** Betting Baptist ***
Mitch, a hard-shell Southern Baptist, loved to sneak away to the race
track. One day he was there betting on the ponies and losing his
shirt when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the
forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and
behold, this horse -- a very long shot -- won the race.
Mitch was most interested to see what the priest did the next race.
Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the horses
for the fifth race lined up, and placed a blessing on the forehead of
one of the horses. Mitch made a beeline for the window and placed a
small bet on the horse.
Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed
won the race. Mitch collected his winning and anxiously waited to see
which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.
The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet on it, and it won!
Mitch was elated!
As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and
it always came in first. Mitch began to pull in some serious money,
and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come
true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited
the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the
last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the
horses.
Mitchell bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last.
Mitchell was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he
found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you
blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and
he lost. Now I've lost my savings, thanks to you!!"
The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you
Protestants.. you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing
and the Last Rites.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
*** Baseball ***
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game that would be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the Heavenly Host and the devil's own hand-picked boys.
"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But I hope that you realize that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."
"I know, and that's all right." Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."
Have a Blessed day
Dave and Barbara
Necessary Legal Information
I do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from me it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than me, has forwarded it to you.
Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org