Puns Galore
Posted by: root <root@...>
raccoons. The flight attendant looks at them and says, "I'm sorry,
gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into
low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round the world.
3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to
Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in
the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one,
naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit
a fire in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it, too.
5. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He
slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who
shot my paw."
6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a
root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the
office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they
moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting
in an open foyer."
8. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of
them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other
goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later,
Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "They're twins!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
9. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone
liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across
town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good
fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and
begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug
in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up
shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and
only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
10. And finally, There was a woman who sent ten different puns to
friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make
them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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