Quick Thoughts
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A: A roman Catholic!
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic schizophrenic?
He was in two minds as to whether there's a dog!
Or: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?
He lay awake at night wondering if there really were a "dog"!
Or: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac, amnesiac?
He forgot thet he formerly lay awake at night wondering if there really were a "dog"!
Q: Did you hear about the group of dyslexic devil worshippers in the Ozarks?
A: They sold their souls to Santa!
Q: What do you call a charismatic at an auction?
A: Broke.
During the time the church was being persecuted in Rome, a christian was thrown to the lions. As he waited to be eaten, he knelt down and prayed. Looking up, he was suprised to see the lion also kneeling in prayer. Seeing the look of bewilderment on the christian's face, the lion said to him "I don't know what you're doing, but I'm saying grace"
Q: Why did God create man before woman?
A: He didn't want any advice.
Q: Why did God create man before woman?
A: Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Q: When was the longest day in the Bible?
A: The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.
Q: What do you get if you cross a Jehovah's Witness and a Unitarian?
A: Someone who goes around knocking on doors for no apparent reason.
A man: God, how much is a million dollars to you?
God: It is but a penny.
A man: God, how long is a million years to you?
God: It is but a second.
A man: God, could you please give me a penny?
God: Sure, just a second.
A cannibal ate a priest and got very sick. Upon visiting the witch doctor, and telling of his symptoms, the witch doctor asked how he cooked the priest.
The canibal replied that he had broiled it.
The Doctor said, "Well no wonder you're sick, he was a Friar"
Then there was the cannibal who ate the Charismatic Missionary, but threw up his hands.
A minister was asked by a politician, "Name something the government can do to help the church", the minister replied, "Quit making one dollar bills."
Rumour has it Billy Graham Ministries is starting up an Emotional Support Group for middle aged men experiencing hair loss. Apparently they close every meeting with the benediction, "Go, and thin no more!"
An English sage goes to God, and says "Lord we need to learn the meaning of patience, the meaning of eternity, how to sit for hours and not feel guilty."
And God says "Certainly my son, here you are, the rules for cricket".
Q: What did Jonah do while he was in the whale? A: Sing, you always sing when you're in Wales!
Q: Why didn't Noah go fishing?
A: He only had two worms!
Q: Did you know the Bible talks about women drivers?br> A: In the book of Acts, Paul said they let down the sails, threw the tackle overboard and "let her drive", ...and they shipwrecked!
Q: What do John The Baptist and Winnie The Pooh have in common?
A: Their middle names!
Q:Why do they say "Amen" at the end of a prayer instead of "Awomen"?
A:The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!
Quick Thoughts 2
Q. Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters? A. Nurse: No change yet.
Q. Why couldn't the pony talk?
A. Because he was a little hoarse.
Q. What do you get if you cross a bear with a skunk?
A. Winnie the Phew!
Q. What did the Arithmetic textbook say to the Reading textbook?
A. Don't tell me your sad stories, I'm the one with the problems!"
Q. What did the Calculus textbook say to the Arithmetic textbook?
A. "You think *you've* got problems!"
Q. Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
A. They all have phones.
Q. What did the zero say to the eight?
A. Nice belt.
Q. What happened to the frog when he parked on double yellow lines?
A. He got toad away.
Q. Where did the baby ear of corn come from?
A. The stalk brought her.
Q. Why are robots never afraid?
A. Because they have nerves of steel.
Quick Thoughts 3
Advice is free:
The right answer will cost plenty.
My life has a superb cast,
but I can't figure out the plot.
Shin, (n), a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Two can live as cheaply as one...
for half as long.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
Nothing's impossible for those who don't have to do it.
The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
We do precision guesswork.
Oh what a tangled web we weave - Hair Club for Men.
Don't Insult the Alligator . . .
till after you cross the river.
Laughing stock: Cattle with a sense of humor.
Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience!
Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!
Have a Blessed day
Dave and Barbara
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