Quote from Forum Archives on June 30, 2005, 3:06 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Redneck Computer Terms"

Backup - What you do when you run across a
skunk in the woods

Byte -Whut them dang flys do

Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick

Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in

Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited

Diskette - Female disco dancer

Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking

Hard drive - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat
tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer

Keyboard - Place to hang your truck keys

Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food

Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live

Online - Where you hang your clothes to dry

Terminal - Time to call the undertaker

Windows - Place in the truck to hang your guns

Modem - How you got rid of your dandelions

Reboot - What you do when the first pair gets
covered with barnyard stuff

Network - How to get yer bait for fishin

Digital control - What yore fingers do on the TV remote

Packet - What you do to a suitcase before a trip

Log on - Making the wood stove hotter

Log off - Don't add no more wood

Download - Gettin' the farwood offn the pickup

Megahertz - When yer not keerful gettin' that
farwood downloaded

Prompt - Whut th mail ain't in the winter taim

Screen - Whut to shut when it's black fly season

Microchip - Whut's left in the munchie bag

Laptop - Whur the kitty sleeps

Enter - Northern 'fer c'mon in y'all

Software - Them dang plastik forks and knives

Mainframe - Holds up the barn ruf

 

 

"Things You Never Hear in Church"      1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew. 2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time. 3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf. 4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists. 5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class. 6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he/she can live like we do. 7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before! 8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early. 9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas. 10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign! 11. I couldn't find space to park outside. Praise God! From Brenda "For Those That Need Them......Conversion Factors" 1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi 2. 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton 3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope 4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement  = 1 bananosecond 5. Weight an evangelist carries with G~d = 1 billigram 6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong 7. 365.25 days of drinking low calorie beer = 1 Lite year 8. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling 9. Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon 10. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz 11. Basic unit of laryngitis - 1 hoarsepower 12. Shortest distance between two jokes - a straight line 13. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake 14. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone 15. 1 million bicycles = 1 megacycle 16. 365 days = 1 unicycle 17. 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds 18. 10 cards = 1 decacard 19. 52 cards = 1 deckacard 20. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton 21. 1000 grams of wet socks = 1 literhosen 22. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche 23. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin 24. 10 rations = 1 decaration 25. 100 rations = 1 C-Ration 26. 2 monograms = 1 diagram 27. 8 nickels = 2 paradigms 28. 5 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1  I.V. League   Have a Blessed Day Dave and Barbara     Necessary Legal Information   We do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.   Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org         Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org         Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org