All the false religions of the world are attempts to run from the true God. They’re all satanic counterfeits sending men in the opposite direction from God. Isaiah 53, verse 6 sums it up: “All we like sheep have gone astray, turned everyone to his own way.” We’re like sheep in that we go astray. Sheep go astray by nature. Our nature sends us away from God. We flee from God. We flee in some noble effort to feel good about our fleeing, and so we invent false religion to accommodate our rebellion.
John MacArthur

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RELATIVES Tuesday

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#1 · January 31, 2005, 11:16 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"RELATIVES"
 
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
 
"We Must Stop This Immediately"
 
Have you noticed that Stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are
heavier.
 
And, everything is farther away..  Yesterday I walked to the
corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
 
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the
young ones. They speak in whispers all the time!  If you ask them to speak
up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent
message until they're red in the face!  What do they think I am, a lip
reader?
 
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.
On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran
into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't
even recognize me.
 
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair
this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection.........Well,
REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
 
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today!  You're risking
life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.. All
I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them
screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
 
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days.  Why else
would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20?  Do
they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist,
hips, thighs, and bosom?
 
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank,
but in reverse.  Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on
that dial?  HA!  I would never let myself weigh that much!  Just who do
these people think they're fooling?
 
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going
on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've
printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a
number in here!
 
All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack!
Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer
these awful indignities.
 
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON
AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!
 
PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because
something has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were too!
 
"Signs" 
 
 
Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
 
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES
WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
 
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
 
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE
BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN?
 
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND
UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
 
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
 
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
 
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
 
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS
A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.
 
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
 
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO
GET LESSONS.
 
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK).
 
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
 
 
"A happy heart is like good medicine" (Proverbs 17:22)
 
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