Quote from Forum Archives on January 16, 2003, 2:07 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

Laughter is a great gift from our Lord. This week we will send a variety of things that we have run across that we thought you might enjoy. In the vast majority of cases we don't know who first wrote these so we can't give them credit, where the author is known credit is given. Enjoy a smile or a laugh and just enjoy the lighter side of life. Be Blessed !

!!! Religous Thoughts !!!

1. Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited-until you try to sit in their pews.

2. Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

3. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

4. The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

5. When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

6. People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

7. Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

8. Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

9. The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: "And in conclusion."

10. If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

11. Not only are the sins of the fathers visited upon the children, but nowadays the sins of the children are visited upon the fathers.

12. God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

13. To make a long story short, don't tell it.

14. If your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington, DC.

15. Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

16. Peace starts with a smile.

17. I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

18. A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.

19. We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

20. Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds this country back as much as committees.

!!! Biblical Spokespersons !!!

What if biblical characters could be recruited as high-tech promoters? Consider the following tech advocates and their ad slogans:

Noah for Match.com: We can find a mate for anything. Why not you?

Moses for the Excedrin Headache Resource Center (Excedrin.com):Take two tablets and call me in the morning.

The dove for UPS.com: Guaranteed delivery in 40 days and 40 nights.

Adam and Eve for Dell: No Apples for us. We've learned the hard way.

Solomon for Microsoft: Don't cut the baby in half.

Joseph for Nikon Coolpix: Only Nikon can capture the 36-bit color of my megapixel dreamcoat.

Methuselah for AARP.org: Life begins at 960.

John the Baptist for DunkinDonuts.com: You'll be head over heels for our new Munchkin platter.

Pharaoh for Symantec: If only we'd had Norton AntiPlague 2002 in 2002 ... B.C.E.

Job for NASDAQ: 'Nuff said.

!!! The Soul Winning Preacher !!!

A very zealous soul winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord, my good man?"

Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."

"You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?"

With the same amount of interest as his previous answer, the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be looking for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here."

"Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked. This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?"

Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day."

Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much, and she'll wanna go all three days."

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

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