If thou dost not stumble at this stone, the devil hath another at hand to throw in the way. He is not so unskillful a fowler as to go with one single shot into the field; and therefore expect him, as soon as he hath discharged one, and missed thee, to let fly at thee with a second.
William Gurnall

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Remember Us Monday

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#1 · July 10, 2005, 7:44 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Remember Us"
 
 
Dear Wife,
 
I'm sending you this email,
To bring you up to date on the
Events of our family!
 
I tried to talk to you,
While you were on your computer,
But you just kept telling me that,
You would BRB...??
Whatever that means!
So, I decided to send you this email.
 
John Jr. cut his first tooth today.
He's the one you bounce
On your knee while typing.
Remember how he giggles when..
He hears the "UT OH" sound?
 
Sorry about him dropping his,
Peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard.
Is it working ok since I cleaned it up for you?
Can you read the letters I tried to paint
Back on you keyboard?
Most of them had been rubbed off!
 
Susie had her first date Sat. night.
She had a good time and said to thank
You for letting them use your car.
She put the keys back on the key rack,
Underneath the cobwebs,
Where she found them!
 
Do you realize that she wears the
Same size clothes as you do?
In case you've forgotten her,
She's the one who has you raise your
Feet when she's running the sweeper.
 
Tim is playing football.
He looks forward to going to school
Now that he has a sport to play.
He wanted to know if you would
Come to one of his games .. if..
We brought you a laptop to bring along?
Do you remember him?
He's the one who ..
Empties your port-a potty for you!
 
Let's see ..
Since the last time I wrote you ...
( 3 months ago )
The refrigerator had to be replaced,
The dog died from old age,
Your mother and dad painted the room,
Where your computer is ...
Hope you like the color!
The church has a new pastor,
The president has been impeached,
And oh yes ..
I have a new job!
 
Well, I think that's about it.
I'll email you again in about 3 months.
You take care of yourself honey.
We all miss you very much,
And will see you the next time ...
The power goes off!
love,
Your Husband
 

"Dogs and Computers: Same or Different"
 
     
 
Favorite Food
Dogs: kibbles
Computers: bits
 
Method used to end undesirable behavior
Dogs: hit with rolled up newspaper
Computers: hit control-alt-delete
 
After destruction of personal property
D: dog not found
C: file not found
 
Favorite trick
D: roll over
C: play dead
 
Comic-page hero
D: Dogbert
C: Dilbert
 
Fun way to mess with their heads
D: peanut butter on roof of mouth
C: peanut butter in CD-ROM drive
 
Consequence of virus
D: replace valuable carpeting
C: replace valuable data
 
Widely ignored government mandate
D: leash law
C: Communications Decency Act
 
Waste disposal tool
D: pooper-scooper
C: uninstaller (necessary only on Win-tel machines!)
 
Method of marking territory
D: lifting leg
C: "Designed for Windows XP"
 
Unique behavior
D: lick and drag
C: click-and-drag
 
Inexplicable physical feature
D: dewclaw
C: scroll lock key
 
Estimated lifespan
D: 12 years
C: 12 months
 
At end of useful life
D: euthanasia
C: tax deduction
 
"How To Clean The House"
 
 
1. Open a new file in your PC.
       2. Name it "Housework."
       3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
       4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
       5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want
       to delete Housework permanently?"
       6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press the mouse
       button firmly.,,,,
       7. Feel better?
 
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
 
 
Necessary Legal Information
 
We do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.
 

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