Retirement Fun
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
So you're a senior citizen now,
Well, congratulations friend!
You've reached the point of no return,
The beginning of the end.
You know, it's all downhill from here,
At least that's what they say.
No job, no boss, no work to do,
And don't forget -- no pay!
You're on what's called a "fixed income",
As much as they allow.
Mine wasn't broke, I told them so,
But they fixed it anyhow!
And oh yes, another thing,
You'll be eating cheaper now.
Won't have to buy delicious foods,
Can't eat them anyhow.
The doctors say, "You watch your weight!"
"Your cholesterol's too high!"
And you need to get that pressure down,
Or else you're gonna die!
And many other benefits, We didn't talk about,
Bifocals, bunions, "Meals on Wheels",
It's enough to make you shout!
So have fun, enjoy and laugh alot.
No need of being blue.
You've waited all your life for this,
And now it's all come true.
So, cheer up friend, as you join in,
And don't be sad or glum.
Just grin and bear it best you can,
The worst is yet to come!
I have always dreaded old age. I cannot imagine
anything worse than being old. How awful it must
be to have nothing to do all day long but stare at
the walls or watch TV? So last week, when the
President suggested we all celebrate Senior Citizen
Week by cheering up a senior citizen, I decided to do
just that. I would call on my new neighbor, an elderly
retired gentleman, recently widowed, and who, I
presumed, had moved in with his married daughter
because he was too old to take care of himself. I baked
a batch of cookies, and, without bothering to call (some
old people cannot hear the phone), I went off to brighten
this old guy's day.
When I rang the doorbell this "old guy" came to the door
dressed in tennis shorts and a polo shirt, looking about
as ancient and decrepit as Donny Osmond. "I'm sorry I
can't invite you in," he said when I introduced myself, "but
I'm due at the Racquet Club at two. I'm playing in the
semifinals today."
"Oh that's all right," I said. "I baked you some cookies..."
"Great!" he interrupted, snatching the box. "Just what I
need for bridge club tomorrow! Thanks so much!"
I continued, "...and just thought we'd visit a while. But
that's okay! I'll just trot across the street and call on
Granny Grady."
"Don't bother," he said. "Gran's not home; I know. I just
called to remind her of our date to go dancing tonight.
She may be at the beauty shop. She mentioned at
breakfast (at which house?) that she had an appointment
for a tint job."
. .... So I went home and called my Mother's cousin (age
83); she was in the hospital ... ... working in the gift shop. .
.... I called my aunt (age 74); she was on vacation in China. .
I called my husband's uncle (age 79). I forgot; ...... he was
on his honeymoon. ....
.... I still dread old age, now more than ever. I just don't
think I'm up to it.
ERROR: Bang on LEFT side of the computer to restart Windows.
ERROR: press all the keys at once to continue.
ERRER: #0002: errers instead of errors.
ERROR: #0004 any key not found.
ERROR: #002 ERROR: no error, Yet.
ERROR: #0032: keyboard not responding. Use hammer (Y/n)?
ERROR: #004 erroneous error. Nothing wrong.
ERROR: #0040 this program will crash right before you win.
ERROR: #01E timing error. Please wait. And wait. And wait.
ERROR: #3032 recursion error. See error #3032.
ERROR: #304 out of memory, I think. Er... Where was I?
ERROR: Error reading drive A: Please insert 25 cents.
ERROR: file not found. Where did you last leave it?
ERROR: fingers not ready. Bang head on keyboard to continue.
ERROR: strike any match to burn computer.
ERROR: #999 ERROR: #999 dyslexic computer possessed by devil.
ERROR: Illegal error. You are not allowed to get this error.
ERROR: Press any key... NO, NO, NO, NOT THAT ONE!!!!!!
ERROR: Recursion error: (R)etry, (R)etry, (R)etry?
ERROR: Religious error: (I)gnore, (R)epent, (B)lame Satan?
ERROR: HUMOR Error overflow, computer halted.
ERROR: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ind 12 year old and ask?
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