RIP: Common Sense
Posted by: root <root@...>
Common Sense lived a long life but died from heart failure at the brink of
the millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his birth records
were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life
to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories and offices, helping
folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness. For decades, petty
rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits
held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such
valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, the early bird
gets the worm, and life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple,
sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable
parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay
to come in second. A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great
Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural
and educational trends including feminism, body piercing, whole language and
"new math." But his health declined when he became infected with the
"If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus. In recent decades his
waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal
regulation.
He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-serving lawyers and
enlightened auditors. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly
implemented zero tolerance policies, reports of six year old boys charged
with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking
a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an
unruly student. It declined even further when schools had to get parental
consent to administer aspirin to a student but cannot inform the parent when
the female student is pregnant or wants an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment
than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy
Scouts to professional sports. As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in
and out of logic but was kept informed of developments, regarding
questionable regulations for asbestos, low flow toilets, "smart" guns, the
nurturing of Prohibition Laws and mandatory air bags. He knew the end was
near when told that the homeowners association restricted exterior furniture
only to that which enhanced property values.
When informed that the government existed not to protect individual liberty,
but to promote the Tyranny of the Majority, he breathed his last.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his wife,
Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by three stepbrothers: Rights, Tolerance and Whiner. Not many
attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
Author Unknown
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