Saints Only
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
A little girl from Minneapolis came home from Sunday school with a frown on her face. "I'm not going back there anymore," she announced with finality.
"I don't like the Bible they keep teaching us."
"Why not?" asked her astonished mother.
"Because," said the little girl, "that Bible is always talking about St. Paul, and it never once mentions Minneapolis."
That's Great
After 20 years two college rivals bumped into each other. "Do you remember how I used to be so fat and flabby?' asked the first. "Well, I've been on an exercise program for a few years, and now I run marathons."
"Thats' great!" replied the other man.
"And," the first man continued, "do you remember how I used to be shy and a poor student? Well, I took a course in public speaking, and now I make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year on the lecture circuit"
"That's great!" came the reply.
"Oh, and how about you?" the first man asked. "Have you changed at all?"
"Well, yes I have, replied the second man. "Remember how brutally honest I used to be, and how when someone said something uninteresting, I would reply, "I couldn't care less?" Well now I just say, "Thats' great!"
Ten Signs Your In For A Long Sermon
10. There's a case of bottled water beside the pulpit in a cooler.
9. The pews have camper hookups.
8. You overhear the pastor telling the soundman to have a few (dozen!) extra tapes on hand to record today's sermon.
7. The preacher has brought a snack to the pulpit.
6. The preacher breaks for an intermission.
5. The bulletins have pizza delivery menus.
4. When the preacher asks the deacon to bring in his notes, he rolls in a filing cabinet.
3. The choir loft is furnished with La-Z-Boys.
2. Instead of taking off his watch and laying it on the pulpit, the preacher turns up a four-foot hour-glass.
1. The minister says, "You'll be out in time to watch the super bowl" but it's only November!
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
Necessary Legal Information
I do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from me it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than me, has forwarded it to you.
Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org