Quote from Forum Archives on August 16, 2006, 11:45 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Senior Citizens" 

A group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments.

 

"My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup of coffee," said one.

 

"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee" replied another.

 

"It has gotten to where I cannot hear anything anymore." said one in the loudest voice of the group.

 

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

 

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," claimed another.

 

"I can't even remember what I'm doing half the time; if I don't make myself a note I forget what I am trying to do in the first place" chimed yet another.

 

"I guess thats the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he shook his head.

 

Then there was a short moment of silence..."Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully. "Thank the Lord we can all still drive."

 

"How True It Is"

 

 

Another year has passed
and we all are a little older
Last summer felt hotter
and winter seems much colder.

 

I rack my brain for happy thoughts,
to put down on my pad,
But lots of things that come to mind
just make me kind of sad.

 

There was a time not long ago
when life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
about "Living in the Past".

 

We used to go to friends homes,
football games and lunches.
Now we go to therapy, hospitals,
and after-funeral brunches.

 

We used to go out dining,
and couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
come home and take a pill.

 

We used to often travel
to places near and far.
Now we get backaches
from riding in the car.

 

We used to go out shopping
for new clothing at the Mall
But, now we never bother...
all the sizes are too small.

 

That, my friend is how life is,
and now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
before you're too dad blamed old!! 

Author Unknown

"ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT"  (Senior Citizen Version)

 

  

 

Are you lonesome tonight?
Does your tummy feel tight?
Did you bring your mylanta and tums?

 

Does your memory stray,
To that bright sunny day,
When you had all your teeth and your gums?

 

Is your hairline receding?
Your eyes growing dim?
Hysterectomy for her,
And its prostate for him.
 

Does your back give you pain?
Do your knees predict rain?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

 

Is your blood pressure up?
Good cholesterol down?
Are you eating your low fat cuisine?

 

All that oat bran and fruit,
Metamucil to boot.
Helps you run like
A well oiled machine.
 

If it's football or baseball,
He sure knows the score.
Yes, he knows where it's at
But forgets what it's for.

 

So your gallbladder's gone,
But your gout lingers on,
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

 

When you're hungry, he's not,
When you're cold, he is hot,
Then you start that old thermostat war.

 

When you turn out the light,
He goes left and you go right,
Then you get his great symphonic snore.

 

He was once so romantic,
So witty and smart;
How did he turn out to be such
A cranky old fool?

 

So don't take any bets,

 

It's as good as it gets,

 

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
 
Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building.

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

 

 

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