Quote from Forum Archives on September 29, 2004, 5:00 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"SIXTEEN STEPS TO BUILD A CAMPFIRE"

 

 

Building a campfire is easy. just follow these sixteen steps (in order):

 

Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.

 

Bandage left thumb.

 

Chop other fragments into smaller fragments.

 

Bandage left foot.

 

Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand).

 

Light Match.

 

Light Match.

 

Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match.

 

Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire.

 

Apply burn ointment to nose.

 

When fire is burning, collect more wood.

 

Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene."

 

Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.

 

Relabel can to read "gasoline".

 

When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.

 

When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps.

"Car Names Explained"

 

(My car is in here so don't be offended if yours is too!)

 

AUDI - Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

 

BMW - Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Break My Window

 

BUICK - Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

 

CHEVROLET - Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology

 

DODGE - Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
Dead or Dying Gas Eater
Dear Old Dad's Geriatric Express

 

FIAT - Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!

 

FORD - First On Recall Day
First On Race Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fault Of R&D
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Found On Russian Dump

 

GM - General Maintenance
Great Mistake

 

GMC - Garage Man's Companion
Got A Mechanic Coming?

 

HONDA - Had One Never Did Again

 

HYUNDAI - Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

 

MAZDA - Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

 

OLDSMOBILE - Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everywhere,
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

 

PINTO - Put in new transmission often

 

PONTIAC - poor old Neanderthal thinks it's a Cadillac

 

SAAB - Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.

 

TOYOTA - Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

 

VOLVO - Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners

 

VW - Virtually Worthless

 

 

"New Glasses"

 

 

I took my 5 year old grandson to the optometrist to pick up his new glasses. The glasses were prescribed "to help him read and be able to see the computer better".

 

When we got back home, he got on the computer to play a game. In a few minutes, he called me and said there was something wrong with his glasses. I asked him what was the problem and he said, "I still can't read."

 

 

Have a Blessed Day

 

Dave and Barbara

 

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