Quote from Forum Archives on November 28, 2004, 11:55 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"SMILES FROM THE BIBLE"

 

 

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.

 

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else
was in liquidation.

 

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of
the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

 

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also,
probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one
Accord.

 

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

 

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why
he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

 

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant
lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

 

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always
overflowing.

 

Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the
Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

 

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

 

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.

 

P.S. Did you know it's wrong for the woman to make
coffee? Yup, it's in the Bible:
"Hebrews."

 

 

"Helicopter"

 

 

While ferrying workers back and forth from our
offshore oil rig, the helicopter where I was lost
power and went down. Fortunately, it landed safely in
the lake. Struggling to get out, one man tore off his
seat belt, inflated his life vest, and jerked open the
exit door. "Don't jump!" the pilot yelled. "This
thing is supposed to float!"

 

As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he
yelled back, "Yeah, and it's supposed to FLY too!"

 

 

"Politicians"

 

 

Politicians have a constant need to be diplomatic.  Witness this candidate for the Senate who traveled to a small town community to address the single church there.  Unfortunately, he had forgotten to ask which denomination so that when it was time for his speech, he inquired in this way:

 

My brethren, all.  I must tell you that my great Grandfather was Presbyterian (absolute silence); but my Grandmother was an Episcopalian (more silence); I must tell you that my other Grandfather was a Catholic (deep silence); while my other Grandmother was Methodist (continued silence).

 

But I must tell you that I had an aunt who was a Baptist (loud cheers!)
...and I have always considered my aunt's path to be the right one!" 

 

 

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

 

 

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