Sometimes You Just Have To Laugh
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
"Are there any prayer needs today?” I asked during a worship service. One person mentioned a neighbor who was sick. Another spoke of a couple with financial problems. A young man asked us to pray for the family of a friend’s grandmother who recently died. After hearing what seemed to be all the requests I said, “If there are no other needs then let us bow our heads and pray.”
Shortly after beginning the prayer, I felt something tugging on my pants leg and at the same time heard a loud whisper: “Preacher… Preacher… “I ‘needs’ something too!”
Still speaking, I slightly opened one eye and took a peek. A little boy was on his hands and knees below me, tugging on my pants leg as hard as he could and earnestly whispering: “Preacher, I ‘needs’ something too!”
The choir members behind were beginning to lose their composure and I could hear giggling in the background as the boy continued tugging on my pants and was by now speaking loudly: “Preacher, I ‘needs’ something!”
“Oh no!” I thought to myself. “In my arrogance and pride, had I ignored the needs of a small child? Maybe he knew of someone who was ill that we needed to include?” Feeling guilty and ashamed, I stopped the prayer and gently asked the young boy: “Yes son, what do you need?”
“Preacher, I ‘needs’ to go to the bathroom!”
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Quickies
One Sunday after church Mom asked very young daughter what the lesson was about. Daughter answered "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilts". Needless to say, mom was perplexed. Later in the day, Pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming". Now it made sense.
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A woman approached the minister after the sermon, and thanked him for his discourse. "I found it so helpful," she said.
The minister replied: "I hope it will not prove as helpful as the last sermon you heard me preach."
"Why, what do you mean?" asked the astonished woman.
"Well," said the minister, "that sermon lasted you three months."
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There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
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When a church seeks a pastor, they want the strength of an eagle, the grace of a swan, the gentleness of a dove, the friendliness of a sparrow, and the night hours of an owl. And when they catch that bird, they expect the pastor to live on the food of a canary.
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The minister had a special filing drawer for his bills. It was labeled: "Due unto others."
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A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation. His mother, sitting in the front row to prompt him, gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it didn't help. Her son's memory was blank.
Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, "I am the light of the world."
The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud, clear voice said, "My mother is the light of the world."
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A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible... Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Bobby was excited about the task, but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Bobby was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,
"The Lord is my shepherd...and that's all I need to know!"
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A teenager was sitting in church, and when the collection plate was passed around, he quickly pulled a dollar bill from his pocket and dropped it in. Just then, the person behind him tapped him on his shoulder and handed him a $20 bill. The boy smiled, placed the $20 in the plate and passed it on, admiring that the man was being generous. Then the boy felt another tap from behind and heard a whisper:
"Son," the man said, "that was your $20 bill that had fallen out of your pocket."
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A 5 year old boy was sitting down to eat when his mother asked him to pray for his meal. He replied, "Mom we don't have to. We prayed over this last night." His mother had prepared leftovers from the day before.
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~~~ What's Wrong With The Parrot ~~~
A lonely lady who went to the pet store to buy a parrot for companionship. She was assured that once the bird began to feel at home, she would have a friend for years. A week later she returned to complain that her bird was not talking. “Did you buy a mirror?” asked the owner. “When parrots look at themselves, words flow.” Hoping that would help she bought a mirror.
A few days later, she returned and complained that the bird still hadn’t uttered a peep. “Well, did you get a ladder? Parrots love to climb and need to feel comfortable.” She bought a ladder. The end of the next week, she returned grim and disappointed: Same complaint – no parrot talk. “Well, have you bought a swing?” She attached a swing.
Three days later she came storming in, slammed the door of the shop and demanded to speak to the owner. “He died this afternoon!” she blurted out.
“Died! Died? Did he ever talk?” asked the owner.
“Yes,” she responded.
“He said just a few words as he breathed his last.
‘Don’t they sell any food at that store?’”
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Have a Blessed day
Dave and Barbara
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