Quote from Forum Archives on November 15, 2004, 6:30 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Special Poem For Senior Citizens"

 

 A row of bottles on my shelf
 Caused me to analyze myself.
 One yellow pill I have to pop
 Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
 A little white one that I take
 Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
 The blue ones that I use a lot
 Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
 The purple pill goes to my brain
 And tells me that I have no pain.
 The capsules tell me not to wheeze
 Or cough or choke or even sneeze.
 The red ones, smallest of them all
 Go to my blood so I won't fall.
 The orange ones, very big and bright
 Prevent my leg cramps in the night.
 Such an array of brilliant pills
 Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
 But what I'd really like to know....
 Is what tells each one where to go!
author unknown

 

 

"Senile Virus"

 

 

Just got this in from a reliable source.  It seems that there is a virus out there called the Senile Virus that even the most advanced programs from Norton cannot take care of, so be warned.  Symptoms of Senile Virus:

 

1.  Causes you to send same e-mail twice.
2.  Causes you to send same e-mail twice.
3.  Causes you to send blank e-mail

 

4.  Causes you to send to wrong person, including you.
5.  Causes you to send back to person who sent it to you.
6.  Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
7.  Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the

 

 

"Perks of Being a Senior"

 

 

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You get into a heated argument about pension claims.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You sing along with the elevator music.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

You can't remember where you read this list!

 

 

"Old Age"

 

One of the many things no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is soooo comfortable.

Old age is when former classmates
are so gray, wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble,
you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

 

 

"LIFE BEYOND FIFTY"

 

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.
But everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.

 

There are three signs of old age.
The first is your loss of memory,the other two I forget.

 

You're getting old when
you don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.

 

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun
and fun a lot more work.

 

Statistics show that at the age of seventy,
there are five women to every man.
Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?

 

You know you're getting on in years
when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

 

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

 

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.

 

Middle age is when
 you have stopped growing at both ends,
and have begun to grow in the middle.

 

A man has reached middle age
when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor
instead of by the police.

 

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations
and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

 

You know you're into middle age when
you realize that caution is the only thing
you care to exercise.

 

At my age, "getting a little action" means
I don't need to take a laxative.

 

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. 
As you grow older, it will avoid you.

 

The aging process could be slowed down
if it had to work its way through Congress.

 

You're getting old when
getting lucky means
you find your car in the parking lot.

 

You're getting old when
you're sitting in a rocker
and you can't get it started.

 

You're getting old when
you wake up with that morning-after feeling,
and you didn't do anything the night before.

 

The cardiologist's diet:
if it tastes good, spit it out.

 

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news:
the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

 

It's hard to be nostalgic
when you can't remember anything.

 

You know you're getting old when
you stop buying green bananas.

 

 

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

 

 

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