Spilt Coffee

#1 · June 4, 2004, 8:44 am

Quote from Forum Archives on June 4, 2004, 8:44 am
Posted by: Bigguyhereagain <Bigguyhereagain@...>
Spilt Coffee

When my son was about 4 years old, we were driving down the
road. I took a drink of my coffee, and the lid came off and
spilled all over me. I mumbled a little bit, and pulled over
to wipe up the mess, at which time my son rolled his eyes,
shook his fingern at me, and said, "That is exactly why you
are NOT supposed to drink and drive!!"

"About Frost"

My English professor was stopped for speeding. When
asked why she was driving so fast, she quoted Robert
Frost: "I have promises to keep and miles to go before
I sleep."

The Smart Shepherd

A shepherd was herding his flocks in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie leaned out of the window and asked our shepherd: "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers "sure!" The yuppie parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cell-phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a database and some 60 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. Finally he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turns round to our shepherd and says: "you have here exactly 1586 sheep!"

"This is correct. As agreed, you can take one of the sheep," says the shepherd. He watches the young man make a selection and bundle it in his Cherokee.

Then he says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me my sheep back?"

"Okay, why not" answers the young man. "You are a consultant," says the shepherd.

"This is correct," says the yuppie, "How did you guess that?"

"Easy" answers the shepherd. "You turn up here although nobody called you. You want to be paid for the answer to a question I already knew the solution to. And you don't know anything about my business because you took my dog."

Bug

A single guy decides life would be more fun if he
had a pet. He went to the pet store and told the
owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede
(100-legged bug), which came in a little white box
to use for its house. He took the box back home,
found a good location for the box, and decided he
would start off by taking his new pet to church with
him.

He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like
to go to church with me today?
We will have a good time." But there was no answer
  rom his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, so he waited a few minutes
and then asked him again,

"How about going to church with me and receive
  blessings?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend
and pet. He waited a few minutes more, thinking
about the situation. He decided to ask him one more
time. This time putting his face up against the
centipede's house and shouting,

"Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with
me and learn about the Lord?"

A little teeny voice came out of the box...

"I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my
shoes."

Patience is very important in life.

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

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Posted by: Bigguyhereagain <Bigguyhereagain@...>

Spilt Coffee

When my son was about 4 years old, we were driving down the
road. I took a drink of my coffee, and the lid came off and
spilled all over me. I mumbled a little bit, and pulled over
to wipe up the mess, at which time my son rolled his eyes,
shook his fingern at me, and said, "That is exactly why you
are NOT supposed to drink and drive!!"

"About Frost"

My English professor was stopped for speeding. When
asked why she was driving so fast, she quoted Robert
Frost: "I have promises to keep and miles to go before
I sleep."

The Smart Shepherd

A shepherd was herding his flocks in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie leaned out of the window and asked our shepherd: "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers "sure!" The yuppie parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cell-phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a database and some 60 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. Finally he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turns round to our shepherd and says: "you have here exactly 1586 sheep!"

"This is correct. As agreed, you can take one of the sheep," says the shepherd. He watches the young man make a selection and bundle it in his Cherokee.

Then he says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me my sheep back?"

"Okay, why not" answers the young man. "You are a consultant," says the shepherd.

"This is correct," says the yuppie, "How did you guess that?"

"Easy" answers the shepherd. "You turn up here although nobody called you. You want to be paid for the answer to a question I already knew the solution to. And you don't know anything about my business because you took my dog."

Bug

A single guy decides life would be more fun if he
had a pet. He went to the pet store and told the
owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede
(100-legged bug), which came in a little white box
to use for its house. He took the box back home,
found a good location for the box, and decided he
would start off by taking his new pet to church with
him.

He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like
to go to church with me today?
We will have a good time." But there was no answer
rom his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, so he waited a few minutes
and then asked him again,

"How about going to church with me and receive
blessings?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend
and pet. He waited a few minutes more, thinking
about the situation. He decided to ask him one more
time. This time putting his face up against the
centipede's house and shouting,

"Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with
me and learn about the Lord?"

A little teeny voice came out of the box...

"I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my
shoes."

Patience is very important in life.

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

Necessary Legal Information

I do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from me it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than me, has forwarded it to you.

      Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
      Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

      Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
      Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

      Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org

  Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute.  Please take  a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh!  --  To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org  To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>