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Sticks Wednesday
2,360 Posts
#1 · October 26, 2004, 12:58 pm
Quote from Forum Archives on October 26, 2004, 12:58 pmPosted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
"Sticks"A musical director was having a lot of trouble
with a drummer. He talked several times to the
drummer, but his performance just never
improved.One day, before the whole orchestra, the
conductor said, "When a musician can't play his
instrument properly and doesn't improve when
given help, they take away the instrument, and
give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."A whisper was heard from the percussion
section: "And if he can't handle even that,
they take away one of his sticks and make
him a conductor.""Sniglets"Airdirt - A hanging plant that's been ignored for more than three weeks.Arachnidiot - Description of a person who wanders into an"invisible" spider web and flails around, gyrating wildly,trying to rub it off.Baldage - The accumulation of hair in the shower drain.Begathon - Any fundraising drive by a public televisionor radio station so you won't have to put up with commercials.Bozone - The layer of air around stupid people that stopsgood ideas from penetrating into their brain. Sadly, no holesin this substance can be found.Cheedle - The residue left on your fingers after eating Cheetos®.Choconiverous - Used to describe a person who bites the headoff a chocolate Easter bunny first.Crummox - The amount of cereal left in the bottom of a bag.Deodorend - The last 1/2 inch of a stick deodorant that won'tpush up, making the tube good only for underarm lacerations.Elbonics - The actions of two people in a movie theater tryingto share one armrest.Execuglide - Propelling yourself around an office in a chair onwheels.Fenderberg - The deposits of snow and ice that accumulatearound your tires, sticking to your fender during the winter.Fizzfall - The point at which the head of foam on a drink beginsto recede.Flopcorn - The unpopped kernels at the bottom of the microwavebag.Gladhandling - The frustrating attempts to find and separatethe ends of a plastic bag so it can be opened.Glibido - Someone with a smooth, sexy voice. As in, "listen tothat glibido."Jiffylust - The passionate desire to be the first person to dipinto a brand new jar of peanut butter.Kawashocky - Pulling into what you thought was an emptyparking space, only to discover a motorcycle is parked there.Keyfruit - The one apple, pear, or other fruit in the displaywhich, when removed, causes the entire pile to collapse.Laminites - The people pictured in the photographs that comewith new wallets.Maypop - A bald tire.Microtrek - Repeated trips to the microwave to make sure thefood hasn't been overcooked.Mowmuffins - The accumulated clumps of dried grass on theunderside of the lawn mower.Negatile - That one spot on the bathroom floor where the scalesays you weigh five pounds less.Nocturnuggets - The deposits you have to rub out of your eyesevery morning after a good night's sleep.Optortionist - The kid at school who could turn his eyelidsinside out.Pajangle - Waking up to find your pajamas have turned 180degrees around while you were sleeping.Phonesia - Forgetting who you were calling just as that personpicks up the phone.Polarind - The disposable peeling on an instant photograph.Prestofrigeration - When searching for a snack, this is the actof returning to the refrigerator time and again in hopessomething new will have materialized.Puntificate - Trying to predict in which direction a footballwill bounce.Scribbobics - Warm up exercises to get the ink in a pen flowing.Sirlines - The charcoal lines on a grilled steak.Slackjam - The act of being stuck in your trousers while tryingto remove them without taking off your shoes.Snackmosphere - The empty yet explosive layer of air at thetop of a bag of potato chips or other snackage.Spudrubble - The unclaimed fries that have fallen to the bottomof the fast food sack.Telecrastination - The act of letting the phone ring twice,even if you're only six inches away from it.Toodle-Oops - The uncomfortable feeling of having said yourgoodbyes, yet your path together continues for awhile longer.Yardribbons - Those unmowed strips of grass you see onlyafter you've put the lawn mower away.Zipcuffed - Trapped in your trousers due to a faulty zipper.Have a Blessed DayDave and BarbaraNecessary Legal InformationI do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from me it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than me, has forwarded it to you.Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
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Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
"Sticks"
A musical director was having a lot of trouble
with a drummer. He talked several times to the
drummer, but his performance just never
improved.
with a drummer. He talked several times to the
drummer, but his performance just never
improved.
One day, before the whole orchestra, the
conductor said, "When a musician can't play his
instrument properly and doesn't improve when
given help, they take away the instrument, and
give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
conductor said, "When a musician can't play his
instrument properly and doesn't improve when
given help, they take away the instrument, and
give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A whisper was heard from the percussion
section: "And if he can't handle even that,
they take away one of his sticks and make
him a conductor."
section: "And if he can't handle even that,
they take away one of his sticks and make
him a conductor."
"Sniglets"
Airdirt - A hanging plant that's been ignored for more than three weeks.
Arachnidiot - Description of a person who wanders into an
"invisible" spider web and flails around, gyrating wildly,
trying to rub it off.
Baldage - The accumulation of hair in the shower drain.
Begathon - Any fundraising drive by a public television
or radio station so you won't have to put up with commercials.
Bozone - The layer of air around stupid people that stops
good ideas from penetrating into their brain. Sadly, no holes
in this substance can be found.
Cheedle - The residue left on your fingers after eating Cheetos®.
Choconiverous - Used to describe a person who bites the head
off a chocolate Easter bunny first.
Crummox - The amount of cereal left in the bottom of a bag.
Deodorend - The last 1/2 inch of a stick deodorant that won't
push up, making the tube good only for underarm lacerations.
Elbonics - The actions of two people in a movie theater trying
to share one armrest.
Execuglide - Propelling yourself around an office in a chair on
wheels.
Fenderberg - The deposits of snow and ice that accumulate
around your tires, sticking to your fender during the winter.
Fizzfall - The point at which the head of foam on a drink begins
to recede.
Flopcorn - The unpopped kernels at the bottom of the microwave
bag.
Gladhandling - The frustrating attempts to find and separate
the ends of a plastic bag so it can be opened.
Glibido - Someone with a smooth, sexy voice. As in, "listen to
that glibido."
Jiffylust - The passionate desire to be the first person to dip
into a brand new jar of peanut butter.
Kawashocky - Pulling into what you thought was an empty
parking space, only to discover a motorcycle is parked there.
Keyfruit - The one apple, pear, or other fruit in the display
which, when removed, causes the entire pile to collapse.
Laminites - The people pictured in the photographs that come
with new wallets.
Maypop - A bald tire.
Microtrek - Repeated trips to the microwave to make sure the
food hasn't been overcooked.
Mowmuffins - The accumulated clumps of dried grass on the
underside of the lawn mower.
Negatile - That one spot on the bathroom floor where the scale
says you weigh five pounds less.
Nocturnuggets - The deposits you have to rub out of your eyes
every morning after a good night's sleep.
Optortionist - The kid at school who could turn his eyelids
inside out.
Pajangle - Waking up to find your pajamas have turned 180
degrees around while you were sleeping.
Phonesia - Forgetting who you were calling just as that person
picks up the phone.
Polarind - The disposable peeling on an instant photograph.
Prestofrigeration - When searching for a snack, this is the act
of returning to the refrigerator time and again in hopes
something new will have materialized.
Puntificate - Trying to predict in which direction a football
will bounce.
Scribbobics - Warm up exercises to get the ink in a pen flowing.
Sirlines - The charcoal lines on a grilled steak.
Slackjam - The act of being stuck in your trousers while trying
to remove them without taking off your shoes.
Snackmosphere - The empty yet explosive layer of air at the
top of a bag of potato chips or other snackage.
Spudrubble - The unclaimed fries that have fallen to the bottom
of the fast food sack.
Telecrastination - The act of letting the phone ring twice,
even if you're only six inches away from it.
Toodle-Oops - The uncomfortable feeling of having said your
goodbyes, yet your path together continues for awhile longer.
Yardribbons - Those unmowed strips of grass you see only
after you've put the lawn mower away.
Zipcuffed - Trapped in your trousers due to a faulty zipper.
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
Necessary Legal Information
I do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from me it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than me, has forwarded it to you.
Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org
Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute. Please take a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh! -- To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>
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