Quote from Forum Archives on November 20, 2003, 8:05 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

 

   

" Ten Years Ago " 

 

The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though
they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched  their
pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due
to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

 

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation
and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

 

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took
them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully
stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen
hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.

 

They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be
your home now."

 

  The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

 

  "Why, nothing," Peter replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."

 

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship
golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth.

 

"What are the greens fees?", grumbled the old man.

 

"This is Heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day."

 

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every
imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic
deserts, free flowing beverages.

 

"Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, it is all
free for you to enjoy."

 

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, Where
are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he
asked.

 

"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much
as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This
is Heaven!"

 

The old man pushed, "No gym to work out at?"

 

"Not unless you want to," was the answer.

 

  "No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."

 

  "Nope, never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."

 

  The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your stupid bran
muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!"

 

" Kids "

 

 

 Trying to dress an active little one is like trying to thread a
sewing machine while it's running.

 

There are only two things a child will share willingly:
communicable diseases, and his mother's age.

 

Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to
shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.

 

Kids really brighten a household.  They never turn off any lights.

 

An alarm clock is a device for waking people up who don't have small
kids.

 

Shouting to make your kids obey is like using the horn to steer your
car, and you get about the same results!

 

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so
he can tell when he's really in trouble.

" Shopping " 

 

A husband takes his young daughter to the grocery store with him.
In addition to the healthful items on his wife's carefully
prepared shopping list, they return home with a box of sugar-laden
cookies.

 

"Why in the world did you buy these cookies?" his wife asks. "You
know they aren't good for you."

 

"Don't worry, honey," he says. "This box has one-third fewer
calories than usual."

 

"Why is that?" his wife asks.

 

"We ate a third of the cookies on the way home."

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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