THANKSGIVING FORCAST
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY IN THE U.S.A!!!!!
"Happy Thanksgiving"
~~~ THANKSGIVING FORCAST ~~~
Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon
high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother
the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.
During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a
knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to
two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while
cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the
gravy.
A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for
the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During
the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers,
dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.
Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat
sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected
both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We
expect a warming trend where soup develops.
By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only
wish left will be the bone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~ TURKEY CAROLS ~~~
THE THANKSGIVING SONG
(Tune: Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
Sweet corn boiling in an open pot,
Turkey roasting through and through;
Pumpkin pie brings a smile to the eye,
We'll find it hard to sleep tonight.
But Plunk Plunk Fizz Fizz on its way,
It bubbles all our haughty tummy pains away;
And every mother's child is bound to say,
I'll not eat turkey until next Thanksgiving day.
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
For kids from one to ninety-three;
Although it's been said many times, many ways,
Moderation! Moderation! Moderation for me!
FARMER HOUSENFRATZ
(Tune: Good King Wenceslas)
Good Old Farmer Housenfratz,
Just before Thanksgiving,
Starts to sharpen his large axe,
Turkey still a-living.
Quiet stalks the barnyard pens,
Now you'll think this cruel,
Till you smell that roasting bird,
Then I'm sure you'll dro-o-ol.
O, COME ALL YE TURKEYS
(Tune: O Come All Ye Faithful)
O come all ye turkeys,
Fully dressed or boneless;
Come all ye Armor Stars,
This Thanksgiving day.
Come and be basted,
You will not be wasted;
Oh be our guest for dinner,
Oh be our guest for dinner,
Oh be our guest for dinner,
Thanksgiving Day.
STASHA, THE POLISH TURKEY
(Tune: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)
Stasha, the Polish turkey,
Had a very funny walk,
And if you ever saw it,
It would surely make you squawk.
All of the other turkeys
Used to laugh and call him names;
They never let poor Stasha
Play their little turkey games.
Then one drab Thanksgiving day,
Mama came to say,
"Stasha with your legs so fine,
Won't you grace this table of mine."
Then all the turkeys loved him,
As they shouted out with glee,
"If not for poor old Stasha,
Thanksgiving dinner might be me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*** Redneck Thanksgiving ***
You Might Be A Redneck If:
You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings.
You've ever re-used a paper plate.
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say
Cool Whip on the side.
If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.
On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
Your turkey platter is an old hub cap.
Your best dishes have Dixie printed on them.
Your stuffings secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is ketchup.
Side dishes include beef jerky and Moon Pies.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
Your secret family recipe is illegal.
You serve Vienna Sausage as an appetizer.
********************************************************
*** A Thanksgiving Poem ***
'Twas the night of Thanksgiving,
But I just couldn't sleep
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned -
The dark meat and whit
But I fought the temptation
With all of my might.
Tossing and turning
With anticipation
The thought of a snack
Became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen,
Flung open the door
And gazed at the fridge,
Full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey
And buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots,
Beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling
So plump and so round,
'Til all of a sudden,
I rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling,
Floating into the sky
With a mouthful of pudding
And a handful of pie.
But, I managed to yell
As I soared past the trees....
Happy eating to all -
Pass the cranberries, please.
May your stuffing be tasty,
May your turkey be plump.
May your potatoes 'n gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
May your pies take the prize,
May your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off of your thighs.
May your Thanksgiving be blessed!!
*************************************************
*** Thanksgiving Humor ***
"Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded,
to thank Thee for the turkey before us...
a turkey which was no doubt a lively,
intelligent bird... a social being...
capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young
with almost human- like compassion.
Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it.
Please give our respects to its family."
***********************************************************
*** True Story ***
David was just a little guy around 7, he was watching
his mother bake pies to take to Grandma's house
for Thanksgiving. "Mom," he asked, "what kind of pies
is Grandma making?" "Oh she's making lemon and
mincemeat," his mother said.
"Yu-k-k-k!" he cried.
"What part of the man does she use?"
Asked to write a composition entitled,
"What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving,"
little Timothy wrote,
"I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
Words of advice:
Never eat more than you can lift.
Eat right.....stay fit.....die anyway.....
Have A Wonderful
Thanksgiving!
****************************************************************
*** Thank God For Thanksgiving ***
A 4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Thanksgiving dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation.
He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food.
He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.
Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited.
After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"
**********************************************************
*** ThanksGiving Day ***
The week before Thanksgiving,
I limp around real strange,
Huddle in the corner,
as though I have the mange.
All the other turkeys,
Just gobble, gobble on,
I'm silent and I act
as if my gobbler's gone.
Everyone is thankful
On Thanksgiving day
Friday it's forgotten,
you all go on your way .
I know what thankful is,
so listen when I say ..
"It's great to be a turkey,
after Thanksgiving Day "
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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